Got the Jimmy Legs



 
 
Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I can see you

Now in my 35th year, my body has started gaining new ailments and allergies. For many years I never had much trouble with illness, but by stuffing the house full of cats, plus the general dustiness of your average Brooklyn rowhouse, I keep getting new and irritating symptoms.

The newest is itchy eyes. It has also been suggested that the many, many hours I spent leaning over computer monitors may also be contributing, but I prefer to think it's a specific allergic reaction to Valentine the stray cat. She's what is known as a tortie-point Siamese, really weird looking, but very affectionate. I noticed when she sits in my lap for a while my eyes start itching something fierce.

I apparently haven't bought eye drops in some four years (at least that was the expiration date on the only bottle I had at home). So I went to buy some more potent tinctures at the nearby CVS. Have you ever seen the eye drops shelf at the drugstore? It's insane, there must be 40 types of eye drops. You got your basic saline solutions, your 'dry eyes,' 'red eyes,' 'allergy eyes'. What's what? I checked the active ingredients, seeing that there is an agent that specifically reduces redness (in fact, you can buy "Maximum Strength Redness Reduction" if you don't want your boss to know you're totally a pothead). But I don't particularly care if my eyes are red; I just need to stop scratching my eyes out.

So I got two different kinds, one with a variety of ocular lubricants, and one that's specifically for allergies. I know it's working because my eyes don't itch anymore: they're in searing pain instead!

Once the horrible burning sensation subsided, my eyes feel like they took benadryl. They feel heavy and their reaction time is slow. Plus they keep wanting to take a nap. Or is it just another fascinating day in the office?

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posted by Jimmy Legs at 3:09 PM



Comments:

Our allergies have kicked up something fierce since we moved to Brooklyn. I wear contacts so I can't use them all the time, but I really like these drops called Thera Tears. They're a natural tears formulation, and they have one that is a gel that is awesome for super dry eyes. The drops themselves are in individual little vials you break open for each use.

i saw those but thought i needed something more complicated. that seems weird to put a gel in your eyes but when my eyes go it's all i can do to keep from poking them with a pen.

Bad news, you are not in your 35th year. You are 35 now, so this is your 36th year. Birth to 1 is your first year.

Worse news: you are middle aged. Embrace it. People object to this calculation, but I stand by it:
birth to 30: young
31-60: Middle aged
61-90: old age
91-?: Jack LaLanne-esque second adolescence.

-Sean

this is why Sean doesn't get invited to parties anymore.

and anyway, I'm planning on outliving that Jack Lalanne. wait til you see me scampering in my jumpsuit!

The reason I don't get invited to parties is, let's face, my problem drinking.
Also, it is not fair to women that there is only one of me to go around. I just don't want women to have to resort to violence.
-Sean

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