Office – Got the Jimmy Legs


Whoops upside the head

You remember that Kurt Vonnegut story, "Harrison Bergeron"? It's the overly-pointed tale of life in the not-too-distant-future when the government makes every equal, not just legally but physically. So everybody has actual devices implanted on their bodies to reign in their innate abilities so everyone is no better than the weakest link in the chain. In this case, it's the mom character, who has no devices at all. Anyway the story is like junior high-grade pedantry about how conformity is bad and how we shouldn't let our leaders legislate too much of our lives, yahyah yah.

I bring this story up because of the father character, he has a little radio embedded in his brain that sends out a piercing tone every so often, "to keep people like George from taking unfair advantage of their brains." The noise is just distracting enough to make him lose his train of thought. You see, for the past few weeks they have been demolishing the building next door to our office. There is much drilling, much hammering, some exploding. I'm supposed to be working on Important Business Work here, but the constant pounding is making it hard to think straight.

So I'm thinking of the dad in the story, how he can't remember what he's thinking out after a few minutes; that's what it's like in here. I am frustrated and antsy, but have no idea what to do about it. The simplest tasks are hard to bring to fruition, and I find myself looking forward to the lunch hour, if only to have a reason to get outside the building for a few minutes.

Yet I also feel oddly elated. Outside of the annoyance of the noise, nothing phases me too much. I can't remember the things that are supposed to be worrying me for more than a minute at a time, so consequently I don't feel burdened by them. I am dimly aware that this is an artificial state and that once away from the sound of the piledrivers all my daily worries will come home to roost (most likely as I try to fall asleep). But for the moment I take comfort in the fact that all this noise is dumbing me down enough to feel rather happy.

I think I might get another credit card!

I can see you

Now in my 35th year, my body has started gaining new ailments and allergies. For many years I never had much trouble with illness, but by stuffing the house full of cats, plus the general dustiness of your average Brooklyn rowhouse, I keep getting new and irritating symptoms.

The newest is itchy eyes. It has also been suggested that the many, many hours I spent leaning over computer monitors may also be contributing, but I prefer to think it's a specific allergic reaction to Valentine the stray cat. She's what is known as a tortie-point Siamese, really weird looking, but very affectionate. I noticed when she sits in my lap for a while my eyes start itching something fierce.

I apparently haven't bought eye drops in some four years (at least that was the expiration date on the only bottle I had at home). So I went to buy some more potent tinctures at the nearby CVS. Have you ever seen the eye drops shelf at the drugstore? It's insane, there must be 40 types of eye drops. You got your basic saline solutions, your 'dry eyes,' 'red eyes,' 'allergy eyes'. What's what? I checked the active ingredients, seeing that there is an agent that specifically reduces redness (in fact, you can buy "Maximum Strength Redness Reduction" if you don't want your boss to know you're totally a pothead). But I don't particularly care if my eyes are red; I just need to stop scratching my eyes out.

So I got two different kinds, one with a variety of ocular lubricants, and one that's specifically for allergies. I know it's working because my eyes don't itch anymore: they're in searing pain instead!

Once the horrible burning sensation subsided, my eyes feel like they took benadryl. They feel heavy and their reaction time is slow. Plus they keep wanting to take a nap. Or is it just another fascinating day in the office?

Twist away the gates of steel

Sheer Hatred, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

My company is now officially another company. Whoopee. The last week has been super annoying, the kind of week that makes me want to push people's buttons just because you know you can quickly have them as annoyed as you are. This is the kind of week that you almost wish for a crowded subway, just so you have an excuse to elbow a stranger in the ribs. Luckily, this is a wish I don't have to hold my breath to get on a regular basis.

I supposed over all the transition has been pretty smooth, I just have lots of tedious stuff to do, people pushing me from all sides even though none of them really know what they want. They just know somebody is supposed to be doing something, so everybody's been running around like their hair's on fire, if only to look like they know what's going on.

I skipped a company party to pick up some TNR cats from the shelter. It's times like these I suspect my priorities need to be reevaluated. But then I remember that trapping wild cats doesn't adequately fund the lifestyle I enjoy that has proper resources to trap and hold feral cats. Then I shut up and I get back to work. You should get back to work too.

0 for 1

ScoresThe other day I trudged uptown to the Bed Bath & Beyond way over past 1st Ave and 61st St. It's nice to have this big box store sort of nearby, but it's always a bit of a hike. I go by the Roosevelt Island tram, which is always fascinating in its total obsolescence (don't get me wrong, I hope they never dismantle it!) I also realized that the area I walk through also contains Scores, the 'gentlemen's club' once patronized by Howard Stern until his friend who worked there quit and now they go to a place called Ricky's.

Ugly from Day 1I also go by Trump Plaza Apartments, a building unique in its design in that no matter the time period, it always looked dated and tacky, yet without style. I dunno, maybe it's the super-scripty calligraphy noting the name of the building all over the place. I walk though part of Sutton Place as well, eyeing actual brownstones and fancy stores I shall never patronize. I balked when I first found out I would have to work in midtown; now I'm pleased to be able to see all these parts of the city I would never set foot in otherwise.

A rump named Trump buys a lotta junkAnyhow, I went to BB&B to buy a warm mist humidifier, because our house has been so dry this winter we are all suffering. I can't even pet the cats without creating sparks worthy of a Mr Wizard episode. Plus it's irritating my nasal passages (it's also possible the 10 cats currently in the house are adding to this). So I pick out a decent, basic model, thinking dimly that I should open the box to check it out before purchase.

E 61st townhouses"Aw, nah," I think to myself. "I don't wanna be one of those people who opens up boxes in the store." I don't know where this came from, but I had noticed a lot of the boxes had obviously been opened, including the one I ended up purchasing. Still my logic prevailed, I was above tampering with an item before I purchased it.

61st brownstonesThe box was just large enough to be cumbersome, one of those things that makes you conspicuous on the train. I managed to get it home with only a few scowls, and brought it up to our bedroom. I unpacked the humidifier, only to find a huge-ass crack in the plastic reservoir.

Roosevelt Island Tram docksAt first I thought I somehow cracked it in transit. But then I realized, that's why it was still on the shelf even though it had been opened. Somebody smarter than I had the foresight to make sure the damn thing wasn't all smashed up before they lugged it halfway across New York. Alas.

Feelin GroovySo today I had to drag it back. It actually worked out well, because at my initial purchase I had forgotten I had a coupon good for 20% any item (it was actually addressed to Matt but he has no need of the girly gear sold at such stores). So I returned the cracked one, and bought the replacement (I checked it out this time first) and saved ten bucks. I just hope this thing does the trick. I already feel like an old lady, now I'm an old lady with a humidifier.

Oh yes, and 10 cats.

The taste of you dear has grown stony and cold

For some stupid reason they have been keeping the air conditioning on full blast here, even though it's October (albeit, a rather warm October). This has something to do either with our LAN room (sort of makes sense) or the building renovation next door (makes no sense), depending on who you talk to. Whatever it is, it's totally annoying. I'm cold.

So I've been drinking lots of hot beverages, which is not unusual. But for the past week, I swear every single time I go to get coffee from our sub-par coffeemaker, there is barely any left. So not only do I have to drink the burned, sludgy dregs of the carafe, I gotta make another pot.

This wouldn't bother me but I know by the time I get back, it'll be back down to almost nothing again. I have made 3 pots of coffee today, and benefited from none of them. This is why communism doesn't work.

I hope our new parent company has Flavia.