Now in my 35th year, my body has started gaining new ailments and allergies. For many years I never had much trouble with illness, but by stuffing the house full of cats, plus the general dustiness of your average Brooklyn rowhouse, I keep getting new and irritating symptoms.

The newest is itchy eyes. It has also been suggested that the many, many hours I spent leaning over computer monitors may also be contributing, but I prefer to think it's a specific allergic reaction to Valentine the stray cat. She's what is known as a tortie-point Siamese, really weird looking, but very affectionate. I noticed when she sits in my lap for a while my eyes start itching something fierce.

I apparently haven't bought eye drops in some four years (at least that was the expiration date on the only bottle I had at home). So I went to buy some more potent tinctures at the nearby CVS. Have you ever seen the eye drops shelf at the drugstore? It's insane, there must be 40 types of eye drops. You got your basic saline solutions, your 'dry eyes,' 'red eyes,' 'allergy eyes'. What's what? I checked the active ingredients, seeing that there is an agent that specifically reduces redness (in fact, you can buy "Maximum Strength Redness Reduction" if you don't want your boss to know you're totally a pothead). But I don't particularly care if my eyes are red; I just need to stop scratching my eyes out.

So I got two different kinds, one with a variety of ocular lubricants, and one that's specifically for allergies. I know it's working because my eyes don't itch anymore: they're in searing pain instead!

Once the horrible burning sensation subsided, my eyes feel like they took benadryl. They feel heavy and their reaction time is slow. Plus they keep wanting to take a nap. Or is it just another fascinating day in the office?