Bad Stuff

MR BONES, 2001-2008

June 11, 2008 – 8:14 am

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

6/10/2008
Brooklyn, NY

MR BONES, of Brooklyn, NY, died on Monday from an unspecified illness. Long considered one of the most photographed cats in the 'blogosphere, MR BONES was admired for his wide girth and human-like social skills. Though shunning the companionship of fellow members of his species, he demonstrated an uncanny ability to cultivate human companions and to extract from them expressions of admiration, if not awe.

MR BONES was born in the vicinity of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, in either September or October of 2001, still a question of some debate. After a hardscrabble early life in the streets, delis and parking lots along the western edge of the BQE, he found his way to the humble storefront abode of one Buzz McKinnon, inviting himself in and using his charm and charisma to extort food, shelter and water from the tenant. Inexplicably, and in short order, he was able to convince McKinnon to offer him permanent asylum, in spite of McKinnon's cat allergy and lack of competence. MR BONES' first litter box, assembled from household materials, was a cardboard box lined with a garbage bag. After the bag was shredded, McKinnon finally realized that a trip to the pet store was required, and soon caught on.

From Williamsburg, MR BONES traveled to residences in Clinton Hill, Bushwick, and finally to Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Featured on countless photoblogs, MR BONES gradually came to renown. Cat owners, upon seeing his likeness on the Internet, began feeding their own cats double doses of fatty foods in an effort to remake their own pets in his image. Ironically, MR BONES himself was on a special diet, dubbed the "Lance Armstrong Diet" by McKinnon, a reference to the cyclist who famously measured his food consumption down to the millimeter. Attempts at reducing the big cat's weight were for the most part fruitless, leaving veterinarians all over the borough stumped.

Collecting many friends and admirers, MR BONES settled into a life of luxury. In 2007, he quickly adopted McKinnon's wife Sylvia, and extended his sphere of influence.

A photo memorial is being organized, to be posted on the web at a soon-to-be-named location. "Thank you all for your generosity to MR BONES over the past six years," said McKinnon through a spokesman. "If you have some photos of him, please send your favorite one to buzz (at) motico (dot com). I'd be much obliged."

"You should think of MR BONES as an angel," McKinnon continued. "Just picture a big white cat angel with tiny wings and you're in the ballpark."

_________________________________

By the way, I didn't write the obit, but it sums up a lot of what I'll miss about Monsieur Bones. He could be grumpy and obstinate but his singleminded personality was a balm for a world that throws so much crap at us all the time. I am pretty sure I'll never meet another cat like Mr Bones.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Cats | Comments Off

Ready with a handshake and an open palm

April 24, 2008 – 11:15 am

Damn. I knew they'd catch up with us sooner or later. For years, New York State has tried to get us to pony up nonexistent sales tax for stuff we buy online. There's a line in the tax return that asks you to estimate the total amount of "unpaid" sales tax for anything and everything you've bought out of state that you have in your possession here. From the first year they put this in the tax form, I momentarily fretted over it, before chuckling and ignoring it, which I've done every year since. Chuckling to oneself is good for you!

So now comes the news that the State has passed a law forcing online retailers to charge sales tax on every NY-based purchase, even if they don't have a physical presence here. This totally defeats the purpose of buying stuff online, except for the fact that stuff gets delivered right to your house/office. The whole driving factor behind mail-order has always been getting the best possible price. At a certain price break, it's usually worth it to buy online, even if you pay for shipping.

Anyway, the Times says that only 2 of the most popular retailers have not already registered in New York to charge this "use tax" (WTF?) One is Amazon.com, as we all know they don't have any brick and mortar stores here. Duh. Although some of their Marketplace sellers probably do. Whatever, I guess it's back to the used book store for me.

More disturbing for me is the news that the only other unregistered retailer in the Top 10 is Newegg.com. This is a fine electronics vendor from which I have purchased pretty much every computer-related tool in the past few years. Part of their appeal is that they have very good customer reviews/ratings of every product. Also their prices were routinely the lowest around. Best of all, they're based in Jersey, so I would get stuff in like a day.

Now everything will suck. Buying from Amazon or Newegg will be like buying stuff in a regular store, but with shipping costs on top. Yay. Something about this whole thing strikes me as unjust. Why should New York state get to benefit from these sales? I don't know much about interstate commerce, but I'm not fully confident in New York's sovereignty in this arena. They can't even get the damn subways to run right fer chrissakes!

Oh well, I just hope the Calypso Discount Store down the street from me has a good price on USB flash drives.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Politics, Taxes, The City, The State | Comments Off

Where the cabs don't stop

February 22, 2008 – 11:32 am

Get out your shovels, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

So we finally got some real snow! I wonder how long it will last this time, the afternoon forecast is for "Wintry Mix" which always makes me think of "Winter Blend," the combo of cauliflower and broccoli sold in the Key Food frozen food section. So it never sounds as bad as it actually is.

This morning I got to take a barometer reading of how Bushwick is affected when Old Man Winter descend upon us. As you know, I've been trapping feral cats and getting them fixed at BARC through a new program. I was planning on bringing in a cat this morning, but had to give up because everybody was using up all the car services.

I've done this before, call up a car service around 8, jam up to BARC to drop off the cat(s), then hop on the L train to go to work. But every single number I called was either busy or giving me that interminable 'hold' recording ("Your call is very important to us"). I did get one answer from a poor soul who seems to have received the phone number of what I'm guessing is a now-defunct livery company ("why people call all the time this number?!')

What I can't figure out is, who's taking these cars? When it snows a lot, isn't mass transit still the preferred mode of travel? The streets weren't too bad, at least there wasn't much traffic when I headed out later, the cat back in its room to wait until tomorrow to go in. But what few cars were out were moving slow; I can't imagine anybody was getting anywhere faster this way.

So who is it taking up all the cars on these days? Is it people taking their kids to school? Somehow that seems to be the only possible justifiable reason, even though that too doesn't make a lot of sense. Don't people know that those cars are needed to cart stray cats around town?

I suppose I could just take the cat on the train, though the prospect of walking with my poorly-designed cat carrier from the Marcy station to BARC is fairly daunting. So maybe I'm just a wimp, but at least I won't annoy people on the train with a yowling space-taking-up box.

If I win the lottery, I'm buying BARC a helicopter just for pet transport.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in BARC, Bushwick, Cars, Cat Fixin', Mass Transit, Weather | Comments Off

Love's a hand-me-down brew

November 20, 2007 – 12:36 pm

Somehow in all my years living in this city, I don't think I've ever gotten coffee served to me in one of those "We are happy to serve you," Greek-Styley paper coffee cups. I am of course familiar with them, as an icon of New York City, and have been known to buy coffee on the go from time to time. But somehow I never happen upon a vendor who uses the famous design.

I read up on the cup, it was designed by a Leslie Buck in 1963, who named it "The Anthora." This was an apparent misspelling of the Greek word, "Amphora," which refers to a vessel meant for carrying wine or oil (note such vessel on the cup, nice!). Though a Czech immigrant himself, Buck's inspiration for the design was in the fact that most diners in those days were owned and operated by folks of Greek descent. A research topic for another day: Why did so many Greeks open diners in America and where did they all go?

Anyway, cool cup; I never get one. Until the other day! Or so I thought. On my way to work, I stopped off at a coffee cart, mostly because the coffee in my office sucks and I was hankering for something at least diner-quality. The guy handed me my coffee, I saw a flash of navy blue and beige lettering and got excited. Finally! I got one!

Not so much:
Now, there have been several variations on the original theme, but this is pretty lame. It's just sad, isn't it? Not only is the design a pale pretender to the original, with its pitiful grouped squares, 'sketch-style' coffee cups, and mirthless sans-serif font, but these guys aren't even happy to serve me, merely "pleased." And frankly, I don't think I even buy that.

To their credit, they do give you coffee and a bagel for one dollar, not bad for 2007, I guess.

And now, for Al, the Propaganda Cup:

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Coffee, Funny to Me | Comments Off

The taste of you dear has grown stony and cold

October 24, 2007 – 11:06 am

For some stupid reason they have been keeping the air conditioning on full blast here, even though it's October (albeit, a rather warm October). This has something to do either with our LAN room (sort of makes sense) or the building renovation next door (makes no sense), depending on who you talk to. Whatever it is, it's totally annoying. I'm cold.

So I've been drinking lots of hot beverages, which is not unusual. But for the past week, I swear every single time I go to get coffee from our sub-par coffeemaker, there is barely any left. So not only do I have to drink the burned, sludgy dregs of the carafe, I gotta make another pot.

This wouldn't bother me but I know by the time I get back, it'll be back down to almost nothing again. I have made 3 pots of coffee today, and benefited from none of them. This is why communism doesn't work.

I hope our new parent company has Flavia.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Office, Weather | Comments Off