Cats

MR BONES, 2001-2008

June 11, 2008 – 8:14 am

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

6/10/2008
Brooklyn, NY

MR BONES, of Brooklyn, NY, died on Monday from an unspecified illness. Long considered one of the most photographed cats in the 'blogosphere, MR BONES was admired for his wide girth and human-like social skills. Though shunning the companionship of fellow members of his species, he demonstrated an uncanny ability to cultivate human companions and to extract from them expressions of admiration, if not awe.

MR BONES was born in the vicinity of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, in either September or October of 2001, still a question of some debate. After a hardscrabble early life in the streets, delis and parking lots along the western edge of the BQE, he found his way to the humble storefront abode of one Buzz McKinnon, inviting himself in and using his charm and charisma to extort food, shelter and water from the tenant. Inexplicably, and in short order, he was able to convince McKinnon to offer him permanent asylum, in spite of McKinnon's cat allergy and lack of competence. MR BONES' first litter box, assembled from household materials, was a cardboard box lined with a garbage bag. After the bag was shredded, McKinnon finally realized that a trip to the pet store was required, and soon caught on.

From Williamsburg, MR BONES traveled to residences in Clinton Hill, Bushwick, and finally to Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Featured on countless photoblogs, MR BONES gradually came to renown. Cat owners, upon seeing his likeness on the Internet, began feeding their own cats double doses of fatty foods in an effort to remake their own pets in his image. Ironically, MR BONES himself was on a special diet, dubbed the "Lance Armstrong Diet" by McKinnon, a reference to the cyclist who famously measured his food consumption down to the millimeter. Attempts at reducing the big cat's weight were for the most part fruitless, leaving veterinarians all over the borough stumped.

Collecting many friends and admirers, MR BONES settled into a life of luxury. In 2007, he quickly adopted McKinnon's wife Sylvia, and extended his sphere of influence.

A photo memorial is being organized, to be posted on the web at a soon-to-be-named location. "Thank you all for your generosity to MR BONES over the past six years," said McKinnon through a spokesman. "If you have some photos of him, please send your favorite one to buzz (at) motico (dot com). I'd be much obliged."

"You should think of MR BONES as an angel," McKinnon continued. "Just picture a big white cat angel with tiny wings and you're in the ballpark."

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By the way, I didn't write the obit, but it sums up a lot of what I'll miss about Monsieur Bones. He could be grumpy and obstinate but his singleminded personality was a balm for a world that throws so much crap at us all the time. I am pretty sure I'll never meet another cat like Mr Bones.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Bad Stuff | Comments Off

Say baby do you wanna lay down by me

May 14, 2008 – 10:52 am

Okay, I have a lot of cats, but I maintain that I haven't lost all touch with reality. However, should I ever find that my cat obsession overwhelms all other aspects of my life, losing me my girlfriend, job and acquaintances, at least I can still meet other like-minded shut-ins:

PURRsonals.com appears to be less of a dating service for cat lovers as it is a beard service for closeted gay men. At any rate, what a ridiculous, sure-to-fail concept. Unlike, say, jedidating.com.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Funny to Me | Comments Off

I'm your doctor and here's your bill

May 9, 2008 – 12:44 pm

Let's see here, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

Note to self: If you take a bunch of cats into your home, eventually some of them will get sick and then you not only have to clean out 60 litter boxes several times a day, you have to administer medication, somehow serve different types of food to cats without the wrong ones sticking their face in, and eventually make vet appointments. One of our street cats, Bishop, showed up limping, and several days of rest in the house have not helped much. So he's going in for what will not doubt be an expensive endeavor to diagnose and treat his malady.

Cheeks the elderly cockatiel has also seen his share of vet action lately. He's developed cataracts, so we took him to one of the better bird docs in the city, which involved taking a car to midtown, missing half a day of work, and blowing lotsa dough. Now we come to find out that he needs a second-opinion blood test to make sure he doesn't have gout (!) so he too is heading to Ridgewood this evening to get checked out.

Meanwhile, there's the little cat pictured above. We've been calling her Shaolin; she can be calm and centered like a Buddhist monk, but suddenly, and without warning, she can turn to ninja assassin mode. She'll be sitting peacefully on the couch, but when another cat enters her line of sight she will jump and race across the room, delivering a barrage of swats while yowling like a malfunctioning theremin.

She's too small to actually inflict any damage on the cats phsyically, but it's very disruptive as it leaves a trail of confused and irritated pets in its wake. We've been trying to teach her not to attack by putting her in the bathroom for 5 minutes at a time every time she does, but so far it ain't sinking in (repeated viewings of Supernanny have proven of little use when it comes to disciplining felines). But we're starting to see why this sweet little kitty may have been abandoned to the streets.

What makes her behavior more bizarre is that she can also be super affectionate to other cats. She's given both Jefe and Flossie a good grooming, only to later pounce on them when they entered the room. Lucky for them, she's ironically docile enough to let me cut her nails, so her blows are less potent. Anyway, she'll be going to the head of the adoption list, even though she's been nothing but nice to us humans. Clearly, the cats are running the show.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Animals, Health, Pets, Vets | Comments (1)

The animals I've trapped have all become my pets

April 10, 2008 – 12:55 pm

UPDATE: So I come home last night in anticipation of taking in these 3 cats only to find Baliff's room empty and a big hole in the window screen. I had opened the window to diffuse the scent of cat spray and the damn cat poked a hole in the screen and bolted! What an ingrate. I put the trap back out but he didn't go for it. As soon as I find him, I'm a neuter him myself!

– – – – – –

I took a break from the TNR work for a while, but in the last couple of weeks a new batch revealed itself unto us, and we were again moved to strike. Also we met some like-minded individuals who live a couple blocks away, and have been providing them with hardware and advice, leading to the incarceration of 3 cats. Meanwhile we captured 3 of our own, although this group differs from the usuals. While one seems to be a real feral, the other two appear to be tame housecat types, though somewhat worse for the wear being on the streets.

The latter are Baliff and Bishop, two black cats who look like brothers and may be related to the little black female I caught a little while ago (they all seemed to show up around the same time). In a fit of optimism I brought in these guys and stored them in adjoining rooms of the house. They immediately sprayed all over the place, rendering the house a vile and inhospitable place. Thanks, guys!

But it's all in a day's work, I thought. Then I remembered, I've got a big damn cage in the back yard that could have held at least one of them. Oh well, I have a gallon of Nature's Miracle, whose motto is, I believe, "60% of the time, it works ALL the time." Lucky for me, my allergies have been acting up so I can't smell anything anyway. But it's making the other cats act funny. And speaking of the other cats, here's who's left to adopt out:

As you may know, we've taken Merc inside since he's proven himself to be friendly. We've been calling him "Truffle" mostly because we just watched 2 entire seasons of Top Chef and apparently adding truffle oil to anything makes it better. And so it goes with this guy, he's a hoot. He'll be ready for adoption any day now, just hoping to get him a little less skittish. And get him to stop chewing on my fingers (???)

And then there's Annabelle, the sad-eyed Decatur clone. She has really come out of her shell, but she has yet to make that real transition into lapcatdom. I think she has it in her, she chases me down to get petted, she's just very flinchy. Hmm, "Flinchy," that's a good cat name!

Finally, Marbles seems to enjoy pounding on the other cats. She will sit at the bottom of the stairs and bop them each on the head as they run down. I bought a clicker at Petco and per the Salon article about The Cat Whisperer, I've been giving her treats and clicking when she does something good, which already has had an amazing effect. She's been docile and limiting her quarreling with the other cats! It's probably too soon to tell, but this training crap might actually work!

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Adoption, Cat Fixin', Feral | Comments Off

You know we'll have a good time then

March 28, 2008 – 8:31 am

Last night we had a guy come over to look at adopting Valentine. He has a Siamese cat and wanted her to have a pal. Valentine is part Siamese so it seemed like it could be a good match. She put on a good show, being cuddly and playful and all that crap people like cats for, but the longer he observed her, the less he was sure she would work out. That's when his attention shifted … to Baby Bones.

There may have been a touch of black market feel to the encounter: he asked about the cat and I basically said, "Nah, he's just for show, this one's not for sale" which no doubt piqued his interest. In reality, we never thought anyone would want to adopt Baby Bones.

One of 3 kittens born to Gladys that we took in way back in September, Baby Bones was named for his resemblance to another roly-poly cat of legend. His brothers were all adopted out, and we kept waiting for him to come around, to get used to humans and become a regular house cat. All his brothers had more or less made this transition and moved on; Baby Bones still ran under the chair when you tried to pet him.

Days stretched into months as we tried many methods to get him to like people. We tried toys, treats, exciting cardboard boxes. He loved them all, but rarely let us touch him. But he loved the other cats. He was so into cats that he became our ambassador for new arrivals.

Whenever a new cat was introduced into the household, he would be first in line to meet them, hoping to find a new playmate or at least somebody to sleep on. We think he really helped speed the process of socialization for several of the cats, who had been used to cats on the outside but not humans as much. His presence took the edge off while they got used to the idea. Unlike him though, they all eventually 'got it,' and now enjoy a good human or two. He was the feline equivalent of one of those companion animals they get to keep race horses calm.

So by March, Baby Bones (whom we tried to rename "Dreidel" or "Dray'dell" but it didn't really stick) seemed a lost cause. We still tried to get him to sweeten up, but nothing much worked. We assumed we'd have to keep him forever, and that was okay. The other cats liked him and he put up with a lot of abuse from them. It didn't even cross our minds anybody would want him.

Then this guy shows up and realizes that what he most wants a cat for is not himself, but his own cat. His cat used to have cat roommates who moved out and was now very lonely for feline attention. Getting Baby Bones would be like giving a cat its own cat as a pet. So we grabbed him and put him in the carrier and off he went.

And to think, we were thinking of dumping him at Jeannie's sister's place to fight it out with her crabby calico. At one point we seriously considered adopting him out to the guys at the Silent Barn, the semi-legal show warehouse on the other side of the neighborhood. There were dark moments when one of us was heard to utter "Let's just put him out back with the feral cats," but I'm sure that was in frustration after hours of trying to get him to understand that petting is a good thing.

We are totally floored that the guy would want to take him after all we've been through. But he knows his way around a cat. He got Lucy to fetch a toy mouse without even trying (this is after we said she was probably autistic because she seems unaware of her surroundings). So if anybody can make him come around, it'll be him. Good luck, Baby Bones!

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Adoption | Comments Off