I am fully ensconced in my new surroundings. I have a hand-me-down cubicle under extremely bright fluorescent lights. I'm catty-corner to the Citibank building, which will mean I won't have to fork over all those fees at bodega ATMs all over the city. Also there appears to be a Dunkin Donuts next door, which means when I move I will have a DD at both ends of my commute. Who could ask for more?

This is an older-style office than my last place, no Flavia machines or sprawling open-plan layouts. On the plus side, for some reason my boss has to share an office with two other people. They get a window, but I won't be distracted by other people in my personal space. In fact, my cubicle is constructed so that somebody would have to come well into it before they see me (picture a very small laybrinth). And the cubicle walls are 6 feet tall, so I no longer have to suffer the "Kilroy" phenomenon in which passersby can peek into my space and catch me nodding off or brushing dandruff off my shoulder. Now if I can just get a locking door and a roof I'll be happy.

P.S. I also have one of those Aeron chairs, long the status symbol of fleeting Dotcom-era success. I don't know if this is a knockoff or what, but this thing isn't very comfortable at all.

I keep meaning to register my disgust on this subject to the Internet: They're making it hard for me to buy Sudafed. Its active ingredient, pseudoephedrine, is one of the few substances that can decongest my head without making me feel like I just took a tranq dart to the aorta. Unfortunately, because they've already outlawed real ephedredrine (see my bitching about that) because of its 'dangers,' they are now pointing their anti-drug propaganda at the pseudo stuff.

Why? Cuz people use this stuff to make methamphetamine. Well, woopee-whoop. I had been under the impression that one of the upsides of pseduoephedrine was that you couldn't use it to make meth, but apparently they figured out how to do this. In fact, if you look for info on the internet now, it's difficult to find any mention of regular ephedrine in the meth-making process, you will see mostly references to the pseudo stuff. It's almost as if somebody has gone through an done a universal find-and-replace across the web.

So, on the one hand, I'm against meth. I guess. I don't really care, people are gonna get crazy on one thing or another. But it annoys me that I'm suffering because other people are stupid.

Nowadays at most drugstores, they keep it pseudoephedrine behind the counter, and you have to show ID and fill out some governmental watchlist to get it. I'm surprised I wasn't fingerprinted. You may not have noticed this, even if you're as familiar with sudafed (or its many generic substitutes). I sure didn't. A few months ago I bought some generic sudafed and proceeded to take the tablets during a cold. Even though the new laws were effect, I bought it right off the shelf and didn't have to sign or anything. I figured my cold must have been particularly severe because the pills didn't clear out my head much. That's about the time I realized the stuff I bought wasn't pseudoephedrine. It was fake.

This stuff had the same name but had a "PE" at the end of it. "PE" stands for phenylephrine, the active ingredient.

The Good News: You Can't Make this Stuff into Meth

The Bad News: It Doesn't Work

Studies are showing the PE is about as effective as huffing fondue for decongesting nasal passages. How this thing got through the FDA astounds me. Okay, it's not dangerous, it's near-impossible to OD on it, no side effects … Approved! But it don't work, dagnabbit!

The final indignity came when I looked in the package of Fake Sudafed and saw that they couldn't even be bothered to fill up all the little bubbles with pills. So you get 36 tabs instead of 48. I guess it doesn't really matter since it doesn't work anyway! But I'm sure it'll stop meth production in the US cold. Oh happy day.