Saturday, January 11, 2003 at 17:51:11 (EST)

We're Stupid and so am I
Got a new band for y'all: Stupid! We saw them last night at the illustrious Freddy's Back Room and they turned that mutha out. It sounds like they are already gaining in popularity around town, but this is the first I've heard of 'em. Also on the bill were The Kut Outs, who I assume are just starting out. They had some okay power-pop stuff but I think the band will only work if the lead singer sings everything, and I mean everything, in a falsetto voice. I thought I was gonna like the Sprinkle Genies, mostly cuz they had a cute woman in the band. Their music was okay but delivered with a kind of "this comes so easy to us" air that irked me. Plus they covered Moldy Peaches songs without giving any credit to the original writers. Isn't there a law on the books that states:

§ 17-513.1. No band shall cover any other band's song for a period of no less than five (5) years from the date of the original song's publication; exceptions are The Ramones cover of Tom Waits' "I Don't Wanna Grow Up," pursuant to subdivision e of section 17-507, also known as "The-Ramones-Can-Do-Whatever-They-Want Law."

Well, there should be a law like that. We left Freddy's before Plastic Beef started, so I still don't know what they sound like. Maybe it's for the better if I don't. We ended up at the Alibi again, around 12:30. The place was full of characters at this point, and all of them had something to tell us. If I hadn't run out of beer money, I probably would have enjoyed myself more. But I had given my last $2 to A to he could a) go to the bar and buy a Corona, and b) have a dollar to place in the jukebox so he could c) finally talk to this woman on whom he'd has his eye for quite some time. This was bizarre to me because women have been throwing themselves at him of late, but he picks one who barely acknowledges his existence. I suppose I could understand, but it seems when women are all fighting over you and such, that would tend to boost one's self-esteem. In this way, you would have no trouble approaching some fine lady. But alas, it works in theory but not practice. A did not meet the woman, although he did practically tell everybody in the bar about it, besides the lass in question. In doing so, A ended up getting even more feminine propositions! Oh yeah, and the babe lead singer for Stupid even told him he had a good vibe. How does he do it? I declare that 2003 be the Year of A.

I woke up this morning sick again. As I said, I ran out of money long before the night ended, but my body found a way. We met this woman who insisted we call her Bob. She was drinking Cosmos, and I told her how I can't drink them because of the sugar. She then pointed out that beer has its own sort of sugar in spades. I believe the power of suggestion took over from there and next thing I know I doing the short-distance hurl. But I remember my last psychotic hangover episode and knew that directly after barfing I needed to go back to sleep for like an hour. I managed this and woke up ready to face the space-oblivious hordes at C-Town.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

The Global Hangover Guide
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Friday, January 10, 2003 at 11:22:10 (EST)

At least we got buybacks
B had a couple of cosmopolitans last night and spent the night barfing like it was an Olympic sport. I warned her! I know only too well what that particular combination of alcohol can do to a body. I don't know what it is about that cocktail, but it is anathema to me now. On the plus side, we met a couple of cool folks at the Alibi last night. A showed up with them, but then left soon after for some reason. Actually, I think I know the reason, but I shall say no more.

Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 13:15:59 (EST)

Cabin Fever
My hermetic/hermitic existence is starting to get to me. I haven't really been out of the house since Monday, when I went down the street to see Adaptation. I've been to the store and whatnot, but I haven't been OUT out since the weekend. I need to research this bar idea further, if for no other reason than it gets me out of the house. I also must do laundry, but this is less compelling.

Last night, band practice was interrupted by a phone call from my boss. There was a crisis on the company intranet site that needed my immediate attention. It seems that employees had been visiting a page on which we had posted tax forms last year, using the forms and submitting them for 2002. This was done despite the fact that the forms clearly state they are for 2001 (and in some cases, 2000). I mean, you've seen tax forms, right? The year is the biggest thing on them! They do this so people won't fill out the wrong form. My company is completely peopled with idiots. Not only that, we outsource work to other idiots. Everybody is a moron in my industry. I won't say "including me" like I usually do, even though I have been known to spell the word "prospectus" incorrectly on occasion. But at least I know how to fix that.

I suppose a wealth of stupidity only serves to shore up my job security, so I shouldn't berate it. As long as I am one bit smarter than most others, I will remain head and shoulders above the fray. Still, stupid minds may still conspire to do away with my job, but that's where the other angle of my expertise kicks in. No one else, no matter their background, has comparable stamina in sitting here and doing really, really tedious work. I am the dustmopper of the computer age.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 09:26:12 (EST)

This town wasn't big enough for both of us
I suppose the coast is clear enough now to mention that our old roommate, the one who refuses to speak with us, is finally out of the metropolitan area. He took off for his new suburban lifestyle the other day and shan't be back again. Yes! The city's ours again! I'm reminded of the Kids in the Hall sketch in which two guys' girlfriends go on a European trip, and as soon as they've left, the guys are like "We've got the whole country to ourselves!" Then they party all across the map until they realize their ladies are due home soon and they're like in San Diego at this point or something. It's been a really long time since I've seen it, so forgive if I'm messing up the details.

This may sound weird coming from me, the telecommuter, but if you live in New York, get outside right now. It's unseasonably warm and I fear it won't last. When the weather's like this, I feel faint stirrings of desire to exercise. This means I'll have to smoke even more today to push these thoughts from my mind.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 00:52:19 (EST)

Next we tackle the whole shoelace conundrum
B is happy because somebody finally showed her how to tie her scarf in that way that everybody wears it these days. You must understand, neither of us had seen it done in this way before we went to Paris. Everybody was doing it there and we spent many a minute attempting to get that wraparound thing, succeeding in approximating it but never really getting it right. We're not as stupid as it may sound; we just couldn't figure it out. When we got back to New York (Newark, even), we saw that everybody was tying their scarves in the way we'd seen in Paris. Where do these trends get started? Maybe it's been in town for years but we only noticed when in Paris, since we were gawking already and mentally tallying the differences between us and them foreigners. How long have people been doing this? You scarf-bearers out there, you know what I'm talking about: you fold the scarf lengthwise and wrap it around your neck and stuff the loose end through the loop. Nobody's just draping the scarf over their shoulder, with the possible exception of old-timey Broadway producers.

Oh, and I think I figured out the thing about the little address bar icon. If you are using IE, the icon will only appear if you bookmark my blog. Then the next time you request it, the icon should appear. Mozilla calls it up immediately, which is further evidence of its superiority. Now I've gotta download Opera and see if that works as well. Oh, this is an exciting time to be Jimmy Legs! If this is the stuff I'm blogging about, just imagine how fascinating the rest of my life must be.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Wednesday, January 08, 2003 at 15:39:41 (EST)

i was trying to add the address bar icon and i erased the last post. whoops. i swear i'm not trying to censor the site! more filth will follow soon.

Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Tuesday, January 07, 2003 at 23:22:54 (EST)

Anna's Wardrobe and other Weighty Issues
Okay, this post isn't gonna win me any points, but I was reading a really important news story about how Anna Nicole Smith made #1 on Mr. Blackwell's Worst Dressed List for last year, and it had this picture with the article in which she looks like Ursula, the evil octopus lady from The Little Mermaid. I wanted to find a picture of her in her prime to compare the difference and came across this site, which has a section devoted to fat celebrities. Not only fat celebrities, but also celebrities who the publishers would like to see get fat in later years. This results in some increasingly disturbing Photoshopped images. Yikes.

Posted By Jimmy Legs
Read the second draft of the Adaptation script! (PDF)
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Tuesday, January 07, 2003 at 10:58:52 (EST)

Fake Nose, Fake Scars, Fake Baldness
These are the movies I have seen recently:

I still need to see

One disappointing thing about Brooklyn has been learning that Spike Lee has no greater influence here than anywhere else in terms of getting his movies into the theaters. Right now 25th Hour is only playing in midtown. I always thought that when one of his movies came out, they'd premiere in Brooklyn at some little old theater (possibly the Commodore), with Spike and Joie parading down the red carpet. But reality has been much less interesting. His movies don't make it to the neighborhood until they reach wide release, so it gets to Columbus, Ohio, the same time it gets to BAM. So that sucks, but on the bright side, I never have to worry that I won't see his movies at all. They're at least guaranteed to show sooner or later. Of course, since he left Brooklyn for Manhattan, neighborhood sympathy is probably at an all-time low.

It's been a long time since I've actually felt the need to see so many movies. It's sort of invigorating, since going to the movies makes you feel like you are doing something, accomplishing something. Then, after the movie you go to a bar and talk about the movie, as though you were somehow responsible for it. At least, that's what I do. I should probably invest my energies in something more useful.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Monday, January 06, 2003 at 13:15:27 (EST)

Jimmy Legs' Priceline Paris
Okay, I added captions to the Paris photos. I suppose I should write a little MFK Fisheresque piece about our week there. In the meantime, try to make sense of the pictures and my lame captions.

Beware, the index page for the pictures has something like 75 pictures in it, so it may take a while to load if you have a lame dial-up account. Man, what are you waiting for? Shell out for the fast stuff!!

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Monday, January 06, 2003 at 11:22:11 (EST)

No rest for the squirmy
Holy shit, last night I couldn't get to sleep until like 3 because I was actually afflicted with my own namesake: the Jimmy Legs. My right leg was all nervy and I couldn't find anywhere to put it where it wouldn't fidget around like a big wiggly worm. Nasty business, really. It's been a long time since that's happened, but it used to happen all the time.

Oh, and I put the Paris pictures online. I haven't captioned the pictures yet, so most of the shots won't mean much to you at this point. For the time being, you'll have to imagine the narrative, but here's one motif: in the pictures near the end where we're sitting by the Seine at night, we were drinking a bottle of wine, and by the time we're on the Pont Neuf it's pretty clear the wine has taken its toll.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

Our trip to Paris sans comments; check back later
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Week of January
5-11, 2003

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