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Saturday, March
08, 2003 at 13:23:35 (EST) |
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In Times Square, every drunk is famous
B's parents are in town so that means spending a lot of time in Times
Square. Someday we'll get the tourists out of there, by god. We'll
set 'em free and show them there's other friggin' parts of the city
to fixate on. Between B's folks and my dad, I get to see Times Square
way more than a resident should; if it weren't for visitors, I might
forget it was there at all.
Last night we saw Captain Janeway perform as Katherine
Hepburn. It was a pretty good performance, and as the website
explains, the role was written specifically for Kate Mulgrew. If
anyone was ever born to do an impersonation of Hepburn, it's her,
so in that respect it was cool. The downside is trying to build
a whole show around a famous actor. The first half was full of amusing
anecdotes; it probably should have stayed at that level. The second
act tried to tie in some ham-handed plot points to build into some
sort of dramatic climax. It didn't really work, since despite whatever
hardships Hepburn endured, she was basically a rich celebrity. Kinda
hard to sell her brand of suffering in a place like New York. But
the audience seemed to dig it; Mulgrew got a standing ovation from
much of the audience, which must have been more for her dead-on
performance than the script itself.
Now we're waiting to hear from B's parents, to figure out what
we'll do today. Because of the Broadway musicians' strike, it doesn't
look like we'll get to see Forbidden
Broadway, whatever that is. It could get hairy if we don't
have some clearly defined activities for the parents; they're apt
to get cranky without guidance.
While we were waiting for he parents at the Crowne Plaza Hotel,
we met this funny old guy who had a lot to say on chivalry. He kept
telling us how he was trying to keep it alive in this post-feminism
era, which amounted to him taking his hat and briefcase off a chair
so B could sit down. He periodically checked on us, asking our star
signs, and telling me how chivalry was up to me now that he'd got
things started. Then he asked if B and I were brother and sister.
Hmmm. He claimed to be a jazz pianist who played with the likes
of John Coltrane and Miles Davis. He claimed to be a personal friend
of John Lennon. He said he had a book coming out and was going to
be on Oprah. His name is John Lewis, but when I looked up that name
in conjunction with the aforementioned jazz greats, the guy who
came up had been dead for a year and a half. So I dunno if this
guy was just a liar, or nuts, or maybe he's gonna be in a play performing
as this legendary John
Lewis guy. I did find another jazz pianist named John
Richard Lewis, but when I try to Google him, all I get are reviews
of Robin Hood Men in Tights, which features AA comedian Richard
Lewis as King John. If anybody knows if this guy is for real, lemme
know. Even if he wasn't really anybody, he was a hoot.
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Thursday, March
06, 2003 at 21:13:22 (EST) |
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My astute political analysis of that asshole's
press conference
That press conference blew my lighthearted mood. What a moron we have
for a President. Did he actually answer any of the questions posed?
Except for maybe that lowball about whether Americans should pray
(what the fuck? yeah, we should pray, pray for our sorry asses cuz
Bush is ensuring the hatred of the rest of the world). A lot of the
questions were valid; but instead of answering them he just kept saying,
"Saddam has had 12 years to disarm, and if will not, we will
disarm him." Somebody asked him why it is, if all the UN Security
Council countries have access to the same intelligence information
we have, that so many of them are against military action, which Bush
is claiming is pretty much the only solution. He didn't even try to
answer it, just dodged and talked about how since September 11th,
America is sensitive to those who would do us harm. What utter bullshit.
All of Europe has had to deal with terrorism for decades, yet he gives
their opinions no credence. This is not even to mention the way he
glibly described Saddam Hussein as an Al Qaeda operative, even though
there has never been any evidence produced to sustain this allegation.
He talks about Hussein the way he should be talking about Osama bin
Laden. The difference is, of course, he knows how to take on another
country. He never figured out how to deal with terrorist networks.
They could have run an episode of "Kids Say the Darnedest
Things" in place of that news conference and it would have
had about as much practical information. Did anybody else think
Bush had a prompter built in to his lectern? After every question
he'd gaze down at the platform like he was waiting for somebody
to hand him his lines. The whole thing was like asking a child questions
about the probability of war. No useful information other than America
is going to take Saddam Hussein out, the rest of the world be damned.
He basically said he doesn't care what the UN decides, he's goin'
to war! Why does he persist in pretending to care what the UN decides?
You can't tell somebody, "Well, what do you think?" and
then when they say something you don't like, react with "Oh,
it doesn't matter anyway, I'm still gonna do what I'm gonna do."
The bottom line is simple: if Iraq is in such flagrant violation
of sanctions, please produce the evidence to this fact. The Bush
administration keeps saying they know what Hussein has, but they
never back anything up with facts, just artist's rendering of trucks
that may be carting around dangerous items. If Bush wants to know
why everybody thinks he's full of shit, there's your answer. Show
us the proof and we'll back your richboy ass all the way to Baghdad.
But don't produce the evidence, speak in vague terms, continue making
sweeping indictments without support, and do not wonder why so many
people, in this country and elsewhere, think you've got an agenda
you wouldn't dare reveal to the public. We may not know exactly
what he's up to, but we know we're getting a shit sandwich instead
of answers.
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Thursday, March
06, 2003 at 18:15:52 (EST) |
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NEWS: Saddam Possibly Wearing Novelty "Groucho"
Nose Glasses
I think this is hilarious. "U.S. Central Command" (what
the hell is that? I've never heard of it before, except possibly in
a GI Joe cartoon) issued this 'fact sheet' claiming that Saddam Hussein
plans on dressing his troops in US and British-themed uniforms. "Central
Command" (hee hee, it sounds like "Cobra Commander")
says he is doing this so his troops can murder Iraqi civilians and
blame it on the US and Britain. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Whatever
the motive, he's fucking with the war system, and my hat's off to
him. His track record shows he really doesn't give a damn about human
life, one way or the other, so at least he's having fun with this
whole thing.
What seems more obvious about such a ploy (if indeed, there is
any truth to this whatsoever), is that US and British soldiers might
be hesitant shoot somebody that might be one of "The Good Guys,"
right? Kind of like the Human
Shields mission to stand with Iraq against US bullets. Of course,
the big flaw with the Human Shields concept is that American soldiers
probably can't wait to shoot some hippies. Likewise, if the many
stories about 'friendly
fire' during the Gulf War are correct, our soldiers will be
shooting at anything in fatigues, foe or friend. Iraq's only real
hope in this regard is to have the soldiers dress as sand, and creep
along the ground, one foot a minute. Like sea slugs.
I hope Saddam continues his devious 'ploys' (thanks to "Central
Command" for bringing back this fun word!) in the same vein
as the uniform swap. I'd like to see his pilots dropping confetti
and balloons on soldiers, with false Publisher's Clearinghouse mailers
attached. He could blow up an oil field and whichever infantryman
guesses its location first wins a sunlamp. Or maybe Saddam could
pack a whole bunch of people into Baghdad square, stand among them
and have Bush play "Where's Hussein?"
I'd really like to see the whole matter settled with a scene modeled
after the one during the musical montage of every Scooby Doo
episode: Saddam and Bush in a zany chase through a hall of doors.
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Iraq
Giving Own Forces Western Uniforms in Ploy - US |
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Wednesday, March
05, 2003 at 15:32:30 (EST) |
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Rock'N'Roll Lifestyle
Bitchin', The
Means are playing Luxx on March 14th. They rock my lame ass. They're
from Columbus, but it's Baltimore that truly loves them. Whew, lucky
for me that's next weekend instead of this weekend, as B's parents
are coming to town to buy us dinner and argue politics with us.
Meanwhile, at some point I have to give A his birthday present
(which I need to finish first). Then tomorrow, we may be going to
the Rated
Rookie party. I'm thinking of actually buying a copy of the
zine, rather than just reading its paler online version. And since
the coast is clear now, there's no stopping us from attending.
Ah, the window is open in my room. How lovely to have weather that
isn't totally fucking annoying. It makes me want to go on living.
This feeling will probably pass soon enough.
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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MP3:
The Means - R. Loxley |
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Tuesday, March 04,
2003 at 14:37:41 (EST) |
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Sign O' the Times
A couple of representatives walked out of the House the other day
because a Muslim was doing an opening prayer before the session started.
What a bunch of hypocritical assholes. One said he just wasn't particularly
interested in hearing it, the other said "Even though the mainstream
Islamic religion doesn't profess to hate America, nonetheless it spawns
the groups that hate America." This is some fucked up shit.
How stupid are our elected officials? They appear to be stupider
than you and me, and that's pretty stupid for people who make our
laws. How many so-called Christians base their belief on hatred?
Our President seems to be working off that palette. These idiots
who are about to plunge us into war (they'll probably forgo painting
a big bullseye on NYC since they figure terrorists can easily find
it) can't get their heads out of their asses long enough to see
how moronic their actions are.
Frankly, there should be no prayers whatsoever before session;
while it's not a clear violation of church-and-state separation,
it positions religion in an inappropriate venue. But if they're
gonna do it anyway, for whatever asinine rationale they can come
up with, at least do it in an egalitarian way. Every session should
begin with a different religion. I will be in attendance the day
the Satanists pray for the House. And of course, Voodoo Day.
Shit like this makes me wanna urge on the war, let us fuck ourselves
up permanently. And then I begin to see how difficult it is to promote
peace, when it is simple human nature that drives us to seek retribution.
In the short term, I'd love it if this whole thing blows right up
in their faces. But in the long term, I'd prefer to see clearer
heads prevail. But I have no sympathy for the assholes in Washington
who have not the slightest interest in appeasing the American people;
not counting the ones who agree with them already. That is not representative
democracy, it is rule by ignorance.
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Washington
Reps walk out on Muslim prayer |
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Tuesday, March 04,
2003 at 11:19:22 (EST) |
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Bad Journalism or Bad Government? Or possibly
both.
This is odd, this report says the Al-Quaida guy is already dead. Meanwhile
the US is saying they're questioning him, and also that somehow his
capture had something to do with the increased Terror Alert Level
recently. Yeah, this just makes less and less sense all the time.
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Khalid
Shaikh Mohammed: Is the US interrogating a corpse? |
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Tuesday, March 04,
2003 at 11:12:35 (EST) |
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One thing that keeps me from being as cool
as I could be
I don't think I like it when they give you both chopsticks and a fork
at Asian restaurants. It should be one or the other. When we were
out the other night, I was doing my best to use the chopsticks, but
with the fork just lying there the whole time ... well, it makes me
feel kinda stupid for not just using it instead. I'd rather not have
that option.
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Sunday, March 02,
2003 at 12:57:48 (EST) |
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How to Open and Operate a Successful Bar
Until Your Luck Runs Out
The class was actually very informative, despite that a lot of it
was rooted in the same information I got out of the couple of books
I bought on the subject. But the teacher was a professional Restaurant
Consultant, which means she basically helps rich people put together
everything they need to open a bar or restaurant. She also will testify
at their later bankruptcy hearings to verify that yes, indeed, they
are now broke. Consequently, she was full of funny tales of bars gone
wrong, and occasionally right. But mostly wrong, very wrong. She was
good at telling us straight what a losing proposition opening a bar
was. Everybody has heard the adage "80% of all restaurants fail
within the first two years." This number basically applies to
bars, too, but there's an additional codifier: "A successful
bar's life span is around five years." This was news to me, since
the bars I like best all seem to have been around since the last ice
age. But they are all either exceptions, or the bar itself has been
passed around through many owners.
So the class was good in that it gave me almost all that specific
info I was lacking from the books I read. The bad news is that the
possibility of me opening a bar in the near future is even less
likely than before. I feel confident in the running and managing
part of it. It's the starting that's throwing up roadblocks. Money,
as usual, is problematic, and if we want to make this place owner-operated,
then we need to be evenly matched. Actually, I'm not sure what the
laws will say about this. If there are to be four owner-operators,
does that mean each of us must front exactly 25% of the money? Or
can we get money from many investors, open the bar with the four
of us running the show, and pay back the investors without them
lifting a finger? My problem is that on one side I have the people
who should be the owner-operators, and on the other side, well,
there's the people who have money.
We discussed at length the smoking ban and its effects on the city.
Our instructor had no idea what things will really be like, but
she did say to expect people trying to find every possible loophole
and exploiting it. This is what I wanna do! She mentioned that in
Europe there is a long tradition of single-proprietor bars, little
cubbyholes with one guy serving drinks to a couple of his friends.
She said she expected this sort of thing to spring up, like in former
Shoe Repair shops and other small spaces. That would be cool if
I could put something like that together, but the downside is a
place that small may not be able to move enough liquor to reach
its operating expenses, even if it does as well as it can.
So again, if I had enough money, this wouldn't be a problem. I'd
open the bar myself, set it up with a small booze collection, and
open the Bill's Shoe Repair Bar, or Lady Mandala's Psychic Reading
Hut Bar, or Hot Nuts Bar.
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Sunday, March 02,
2003 at 12:33:09 (EST) |
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Exercise One: Break in to Your Own Home
Such an educational weekend. On Friday Am took us to the Japanese/Thai
place that opened on 5th Ave right after we moved out of that neighborhood.
The name escapes me, but I think it's on the corner of Bergen. The
food rocked and was cheap, and they had Singha, the greatest malt
liquor ever. I wanted to go to Freddy's afterwards, but we just went
to O'Connors,
a place I had not been to in over two years. Either they cleaned it
up a lot of my threshold for what I will tolerate has been vastly
lowered in the interval. It's still not my favorite bar, but it was
pleasant and while we were there it wasn't too crowded. But they don't
have beer on tap, which I find a total mystery. Don't they know a
bar's biggest single profit margin is obtained through the selling
of highly marked-up draught beer? Well, I know that, plus a lot of
other bar-related information, but first let's conclude Friday.
We decided to call it a night early because I had to get up and
go to my "How to Open a Bar" class at the New School.
As we approached our house, we realized with dismay that neither
of us had our keys. We started ringing the bell and knocking on
N's window, as I was thinking, "This is it, the reason we keep
her as a roommate. If she opens that door, I'll forgive all her
tresspasses and I promise not to kill her, without giving her a
sporting head start." But alas, N never got to redeem these
generous thoughts of mine; she was out of the house. Of course,
she had left every single light on in her bedroom, as well as every
appliance she owns. She also likes to do this when she leaves town
for the weekend. Maybe she wants to help the struggling economy
by using more of her parents' money on utilities.
So, suffice it say we got back into our house, by any means necessary.
B says I shouldn't describe in detail how exactly we went about
it, but it did require some acrobatic skill, some tense moments
with a fence, and absolute logistical brilliance on the part of
your gracious author. It's a good thing I downloaded that copy of
"Daredevil".
Posted By Jimmy Legs
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train? Or at least the 
?
