Friday, April 11, 2003 at 14:57:55 (EDT)

Party over here, party over there
Is this work week almost over? I can't believe it, I never thought it would arrive! Now on to more pressing issues, like which loft party in the middle of nowhere to attend tonight? That's right, I'm working on my street cred by crashing various shindigs in the far reaches of Clinton Hill and Bushwick. I received an invitation via this blog yesterday, telling me to stop by some address on Flushing Ave at 9:30 tonight. I dunno, could be a setup. Maybe those kids who jumped me have found me online and are gonna be waiting on the corner to pound me again!

Or at least that's what my now-tested paranoia tells me. Actually it sounds like it might be fun, there's gonna be some French-California torch-song singer, and everybody's dressing up in some manner. But as it turns out, M had already invited me to yet another party at an acquaintance's loft. But due to the idiosyncrasies of asynchronous communication, I never got the word. The situation now rectified, it looks like I must choose the more familiar venue for now. Anyway, I need a haircut and will not look good in a leisure suit right now. I hope this doesn't jeopardize further chances for strangers to invite me to parties. My self-esteem needs just this type of anonymous validation!

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Friday, April 11, 2003 at 10:34:08 (EDT)

Why I shouldn't be allowed to watch TV (or speak on Theater History)
I caught a commercial for some cookie-cutter TV show the other night. In it, a woman was on a date with a man in a restaurant, and she apparently had a tiny earphone into which an accomplice spewed witticisms from a van outside. Comedy ensued when the guy in the van said something unrelated to the conversation, and this was of course parroted by the lady in the restaurant. Now, aside from it being a woman, how tired and old is this joke? Well, I'll tell you.

Cyrano De Bergerac, the play by Edmond Rostand, was first produced in 1897. It features the first (as far as I know) instance of somebody speaking through somebody else for romantic purposes. So right off the bat we know the joke is at least 106 years old. That's older than Bob Hope, folks. But wait, that's not all.

The play itself was based on a real person, born in the early 1600's. Yes folks, this joke is almost 400 years old. They must truly be writing scripts by computer now. Otherwise what self-respecting writer is gonna conclude, "Hey, let's do the Cyrano joke ... again!"

This is why I don't live in LA.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Wednesday, April 09, 2003 at 16:11:47 (EDT)

Dead liberated Iraqi civilians reportedly "really happy now"
This job is kicking my ass, I cannot stop for like a minute without it piling up. I believe they are passing out Stupid pills down at the office, because everybody who contacts me is an imbecile. Not only that, but nobody has a realistic sense of time any more, since I keep getting requests for things to get done 'yesterday.' Ho, ho, what a sense of humor. In a meeting yesterday, people were surprised to learn that I do not only work for their site, but for ALL sites in this division of the company.

"Well I guess we were wrong. You're not lazy and slow after all! You actually have other people to answer to!"

If only I could believe they'd take it to heart and not swamp me so often. Alas.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Tuesday, April 08, 2003 at 00:20:12 (EDT)

It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one
I've tried to stop blabbing about this stupid war, because I don't have any insight that any 3-year old could offer equally well, but I just had to post this:

"Smoking gun" WMD site in Iraq turns out to contain pesticide

I'm not even that happy it turned out to be nothing (again). When I heard they'd found something, and were importantly spouting that they thought it was chemical weapons, I got to thinking: well, Iraq certainly might have the sort of weapons they've been accused of hiding. If they are discovered, how will America react? Most of us know this war isn't about WMD, chemical/biological weapons, "regime change" or whatever they pick to tell us it's about on a given day. We know the war is wrong despite the bizarre and varied evidence presented. We know that it just doesn't make sense, at its most basic level.

If the barrels they found yesterday did contain nerve gas, the war hawks would whoop and holler that we'd found the smoking gun. But can you call it a smoking gun when you're standing in the rubble of a city you just bombed into the stone age? These things don't have to be logical anymore; we're taking a scorecard approach. Those of us who have couched our bets on finding huge stores of WMD are getting a little flustered. Others have scored well by forwarding emails about the brutality of Saddam Hussein (the "man in the plastic shredder" story), as though a dictator's bloodlust had any sort of precedent for a massive invasion. Those of us who were hoping the US would somehow remember the UN in all of this are most disappointed.

I just hate the way this stuff adds up (not to mention the sentiments of our misguided countrymen, who think Iraq was responsible for the attacks on September 11) to justifying killing a bunch of people and maiming countless others. I'm getting a little tired of the catchall "this is war and it ain't pretty" slogan. You're only allowed to use that if you're fighting a self-defensive war; this is not one, no matter how many eyes Saddam has gouged out, how many of his relatives he had executed. That stuff is bad, okay, but not grounds for the sort of aggressive and unprovoked assault America is carrying out.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

Who we're hurting in this "liberation" experiment (nasty stuff)
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Monday, April 07, 2003 at 15:19:24 (EDT)

Mike, we're comin' over to your house!
I bet Bloomberg is sitting in his penthouse, staring out into the winter wonderland the city has become, and chuckling to himself, "Okay, smokers! Have fun out on the sidewalks!"

Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Monday, April 07, 2003 at 10:41:47 (EDT)

Ever get the feeling you've been swindled?
Does anybody understand the New York real estate industry? I was searching around for something I could afford that would give me everything my current apartment offers, plus "original details," whatever that is, and found a listing for a duplex in my neighborhood. It was a little more than I wanted to spend for such a place but it had a lotta space. I continued searching and found what I suspect is the same apartment on another site (location was the same, the photos, while not identical, were obviously of the same place). This place had a lower maintenance charge and was fully $30K cheaper than the other listing. Both appeared to be active. And yesterday, I was cruising around some more and came upon yet another listing for the same place, this one with an ever cheaper maintenance fee and $50K cheaper than the first.

I know that many different Realtors can sell a property, but what's with the big variance in price? This does not instill my with confidence for this housing search. Not only does the house-seeker have to sweet-talk every agent in town to find out what may be for sale on his block, now we've gotta comparison shop on the same properties?

It's all sort of moot for the property in question, as I have since determined that the lower floor of the duplex has no windows whatsoever. Confidential to realty folks: Don't dress up a basement and call it a duplex. Call it a one-bedroom with a "finished basement." "Rumpus Room" would also be acceptable.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Week of April 6-12, 2003

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