Friday, May 23, 2003 at 08:47:03 (EDT)

Head west on 14th, take a left at the turkey
No matter what happens today, my day has already been made by this article:

Can a Wild Turkey Find Success and Happiness in the Canyons of Manhattan?

If you don't wanna bother registering to read it, there have been sightings around Manhattan of a female turkey. In one instance the game bird was found on some guy's balcony ... on the 28th floor. There is much debate in ornithological circles about a turkey's ability to fly that high on its own. Several people think the turkey had help.

I don't know which fills me with more joy: the idea that wild turkeys are infiltrating the City, or the idea that some guy has been sneaking an enormous bird around town under his trenhcoat (insert 'happy-to-see-me' joke).

A turkey doing anything seems surprising, as all we've ever learned about them comes from Thanksgiving dinner. But wild turkeys are almost nothing like their hormone-laden kin. Domesticated turkeys are among the stupidest animals on the planet. They are raised to be big'n'fat, that's it. These are the birds reportedly so stupid they literally don't have enough sense to come in out of the rain. Wild turkeys are more proportionate. They apparently don't fly well (although maybe the Manhattan Turkey will prove otherwise), but they are extremely intelligent. You know, for having a brain the size of a walnut and all.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Thursday, May 22, 2003 at 11:01:04 (EDT)

Where the blog and breakup merge
Talk about capitalizing on vulnerable people! The Best All-time Breakup Songs site lists a none-too-comprehensive list of songs for the brokenhearted, providing the lyrics where known, so all us weepy types can sit around and sing along with Patsy Cline ("I Fall to Pieces") or Metallica ("The Unforgiven").

But underneath this therapeutic veneer is the real motive: self-help books. You can order the 'webBook' Why Women Dump Men for $13. Of course, no author is listed, and no excerpt is provided to give the buyer any incentive to purchase said 'webBook'. So I suspect if I pay my money I'll just come to a page that explains that women dump men because they make foolish decisions without first being in possession of an adequate amount of the facts.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Wednesday, May 21, 2003 at 12:08:15 (EDT)

Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it
The Naked Angels reading series kicks ass. I went for the first time last night at their relatively new location at The Screening Room. Every Tuesday at 9PM (more or less) authors have new material read by actors in front of a live audience. Nearly everything that I saw last night was new stuff, still in its larval stages. It seems to help the authors, especially of plays and screenplays, to hear the work performed out loud by others. There was one reading from a novel excerpt but its narration was so talky it made sense.

Best act of the night: it wasn't really in the vein of the reading series, but two members of The Petersons did a mini-show in which they sort of parodied the whole idea of writing stuff and having it performed. It was fucking hilarious. I gotta see them live sometime.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Wednesday, May 21, 2003 at 11:57:22 (EDT)

Now I know my ABC's; tell me what you think of me
Life is still fucked up but possibly improving. My new thing: honesty. Since things have been so screwy around Maison De Legs of late, it seems that the best way to handle this is for everybody to be as honest as possible with each other. Me and the ungirlfriend have been having some brutally honest conversations of late, not all of which are fun, but at this point it's helps to know where everybody stands. This seems to be carrying over into conversations with our other roommate, with whom we've not been particularly forthright for the entire time we've lived together. I just talked to her about what may come of all this in terms of this apartment, and it was most refreshing to say what I thought without feeling like I had to sugar-coat things.

The plan now is to see if the breakup can be used as leverage to get the roommate to move out, at long last. She's already a year over her limit here, by my estimation. I told her I wanted my friend M to move in here. But I also told her that I could not force her to leave. Neither of us really has the authority to do that, even though I think of this apartment more as 'mine' than 'hers'. Presently I have a lot more need for a place with a back yard and a basement, things she has never shown much interest in. But I told her if she won't leave, then I'll have to. She might be able to stay and get somebody else to move in, but I have no idea if any of her friends would want to subject themselves to that.

Even if I get rid of the roommate and M doesn't move in forcing me to cover the entirety of the rent, I still think that preferable to living alone with this person I'm not particularly close to. I don't know how people live with random roommates they find through flyers or craigslist. I guess I'm getting too old for that lifestyle. I love using age as an excuse to not put up with things. It is the single greatest side effect of getting older. The older I get the less people are willing to take me to task for my idiosyncrasies. Of course, it is this attitude that allows that Crazy Cat Lady to continue to live in her enormous brownstone on Clinton Ave and sell ratty issues of People Magazine for $7 ("It's got Brad Pitt on the cover!"). But I'm willing to take that risk. At the rate I'm going, I'll be a Crazy Cat Guy by the end of the summer.

Posted By Jimmy Legs

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Monday, May 19, 2003 at 12:11:05 (EDT)

I Am Trying to Break Your Heart
Funny, it's been over a week now since I got the news, but my break-up is not particularly funny to me today. In fact it feels pretty devastating. I'll post some stuff when I can regain the detached sense of humor about my life you all know and love.

Posted By Jimmy Legs
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Week of May 18-24, 2003

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