Friday, November 12, 2004 at 11:08:30 (EST)

Working really tires me and I think I'll turn to crime
I know everybody finds this boring, but I have to vent somewhere, and my coworkers are too stupid to understand:

Part of my job involves maintaining a lot of policy manuals online. Each manual has an 'owner', a person who dictates and approves updates to said manuals. One particular manual has several hyperlinks to another, older manual. This older manual was decommissioned earlier in the year, as its department had been dissolved. Rather than re-engineer the new manual to include all the information needed from the old manual I was instructed to leave the old manual online, but remove and reference to it elsewhere on our website. The links would remain, so the only possible way anybody could ever get to this old manual would be through the links in the new manual. This happened about 6 months ago.

Enter some guy from the Phoenix office who emails me the other days asking me to add a new section to the discontinued manual. I tell him the manual is no longer functional, that the only reason it exists at all is because some information is linked from the new manual. He doesn't get it. He doesn't see why I shouldn't update this dead manual with some new vital information, even though I explained to him in no uncertain terms that nobody will ever see his precious updates because there are no direct links to the old manual.

Then he tries to have me add the section to the new manual. Forget that the new manual is for a completely separate entity of the company and as a rule departments are pretty picky about their policy manuals. They don't often take kindly to people from other parts of the company blithely adding content to their guiding principles.

This drew me into a volley of stupid emails and stupider phone calls between the Phoenix guy and the Keeper of the Newer Manual in London. Finally, it was decided what to do with the new material: add it to the defunct manual anyway.

Everybody wins: the new manual remains unbesmirched by the rogue information, the Phoenix guy is happy because he's too stupid to understand the concept that NO ONE WILL EVER SEE HIS ADDITONS TO THE MANUAL BECAUSE THE MANUAL DOES NOT OFFICIALLY EXIST ANY MORE. But whatever, from an official office perspective, everybody got what they wanted.

While there's something to be said for all employees having clear notions of how a company operates, maybe we're ushering in a new paradigm here: the "Do What You Feel" business model! The company progresses on the sheer whimsy of its employees:

  • Oh, I felt like adding something to this useless manual that no one will ever read, why not?
  • I'd like to add the phrase "... in bed" after every line of the company Mission Statement.
  • I feel like replacing the company logo across the entire corporate website with a self-portrait of Buzz McKinnon.
  • When anybody tries to download a document form the site, they will actually download an mp3 of "Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang" by Ted Nugent.

Now that's what I call a List of Primary Action Items!

Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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Thursday, November 11, 2004 at 15:32:55 (EST)

It puts my back up against the wall
This is kinda interesting, a cover of "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" as sung by George W Bush. Somebody spent a lot of time splicing sound bites together. Sorta reminds me of Max Headroom, 'member that?

Does anybody know the deal with Rothko? The fire marshall keeps shutting it down due to code violations. Dynasty is supposed to play there tomorrow night but I spoke with Seth from the band and he said he wasn't sure if the club would be open again in time. The joint had been shut down a month ago or so as well, but I guess they didn't get everything up to snuff. Or maybe they forgot to pay somebody off?

I'm having a real Brazil day on the job. I spent the last two days going in circles talking to people about some issue with the corporate website. I got only splinters of information from each person, eventually getting out of them a name for the next person I would contact. Finally, today, just as I thought I was getting somewhere, I was directed to talk to the site administrator, who's the first person I started with yesterday. It's a wonder anything ever gets done around here.

Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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Wednesday, November 10, 2004 at 15:12:27 (EST)

I'm coming up cat sized

I have to try to catch Freddy's monthly "On the Way Out" jazz series more often. Every second Tuesday a group of musicians get together for some free jazz improv. The first time I went it seemed the unspoken rule of the night was "don't get into a groove." The musicians resisted any type of constant rhythm, which made listening to it both frustrating and fascinating. Last night the vibe seemed looser, as the songs were allowed to build some momentum between the drums, upright bass, Fender Rhodes and viola. The piano player did something I wanna try with our own Rhodes: plucking the tone bars on the top of the piano. Makes me want to get a couple of mallets and try playing it like a xylophone.

Jimmy doesn't always understand jazz but he knows what he likes.

Heather understands All.

And there's been some talk that Mr Bones looks even bigger than he used to. To dispel these rumors, here's a clear shot of him at a recent party:

See, he's the same size he ever was.

Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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Wednesday, November 10, 2004 at 13:56:23 (EST)

They cut out his brain
Buzz McKinnon reports:

Often, I glance at the Yahoo "news" headlines and a couple lines will get mixed up, forming a strange phrase. Today I couldnt help but try and rewrite the "news" a bit - call it the dyslexic news, if you will:

  • Dutch police pray at Arafat's bedside
  • Tom Muslim clerics say Gonzales to succeed Ashcroft
  • US forces hold 70 percent of older obese women
  • Iraq Troops find 'Miami Vice' movie
  • Leukemia risk high in "hostage slaughterhouses"
  • Gay rights groups hold two after anti-terror raid
  • Colin Farrell may star in Falluja
  • Sources court N.J. governor



Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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Wednesday, November 10, 2004 at 01:01:11 (EST)

There is a light and it never goes out
Proof that God may not in fact be dead and rotting in my neighbor's gross back yard:

Ashcroft Resigns from Bush Cabinet

One down, 430 to go.

Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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Monday, November 08, 2004 at 12:12:41 (EST)

Using all my breath

After months in the shop, I finally have my baritone saxophone. I bought it cheap on ebay in August, knowing that it would need some work. I took it into the repair shop, where the tech guy moaned over how screwed up it was. He said it would take 6 weeks to fix. It took 9. But he took $50 off the bill because it took him so long, so the total cost was still far less than most people pay for a bari sax. Now I just have to learn how to play it.

I've played clarinet for decades, but despite its similarities, sax is a definitely a different beast. Not to mention that the bari sax is 3 times the size of a clarinet, requiring a completely different mouth position and breath control. I can play it a little, but I totally don't know what I'm doing. I've got to get a book or something; I suppose taking lessons isn't out of the question, but I'd like to try to figure it out on my own for a while. Then we've got to find a way to work it into the band.


Devil Music

As previously discussed, I hit the Oneida show on Friday. I missed the first couple of bands but caught Devil Music who were something like math rock-meets-film score music. Oneida was particularly good, or I was particularly drunk, I can't be sure. The new record does not in fact have my favorite song on it, but they promised it would be on their next album. We'll see.

Sin-é does not serve hard liquor, which has always been a drawback to me. But they recently bought the bodega on the corner and opened it recently as "The Sin-e Bar." Not only do they have a full liquor license but they serve Powers Whiskey, too. And you get a buck off your drinks if you have a stamp from a show at the club. Pretty good deal, but why didn't they just get a full liquor license in the first place? Or was it always the plan to branch out and buy up other properties on the otherwise-deserted block? Mr Bones and Hubcap, what do you guys think?

 

 

 

"Who gives a damn?"

 

 

 

Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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