Friday, March 11, 2005 at 15:42:53 (EST)

Good times for a change
Are we in the midst of a time of cosmic flux? It seems major life changes have been popping up all over the place lately. It could be coincidence, or it could all be orchestrated by dark forces beyond our capacity for understanding, like Burt Reynolds? In just the past week or two:

  • Buzz quit his job for a better job
  • Hedda quit her job to return to full-time freelancing
  • Jami just sold her book Instant Love, to be published by January 2006
  • Life-long friend James is just about to leave Brooklyn and move to London
  • Douglas is poised to purchase his first apartment
  • Hubcap, now in cat old-age, has been chasing his tail a lot lately
  • Jimmy Legs may actually get paid for his New York Press article from almost a year ago
  • Jimmy Legs is trying to buy a house (okay this hasn't happened yet, but I gotta mention it every day right?)

Are these good omens, or evidence that everything is poised to collapse like a house of cards?

Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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Wednesday, March 09, 2005 at 16:32:13 (EST)

Bitch bettah have mah money
Well, wonders never cease! And to think I had to hear it all on the Howard Stern show this morning. Jeff Koyen, editor of New York Press, called into the show a mere couple of weeks ago to give Stern a hard time about his sporadic defense of the First Amendment. And now Koyen has resigned from the paper, amid fury over their recent NY Post-style parody cover dealing with the Pope. I'm sure that this must not be the sole result of the controversial cover/article, but a cumulative effect of his managerial decisions over the past several years. In fact, if I had to point to one single thing that may have brought about the end of Jeff Koyen's Reign of Journalistic Terror, I would say it would have to be BARGATE.

In 2004 I was tasked to produce a series of short descriptions of bars in the New York metro area that provided outdoor drinking/smoking areas for Bloomberg-weary customers. I complied and with Hedda's help, produced a fine collection of outdoor bars. They appeared in May's Summer Guide in the paper, and no doubt aided the citizenry at least as much as the escort ads in the back of the paper do. At that point, the only matter left was that of payment.

I won't bore you with (more) details, but I still ain't got paid yet. Periodic emails to the paper's payroll guy yielded vague replies that they were 'working on it' and that my name was 'on the list.' So when I heard about Koyen's departure this morning my first thought was "That's it, I'm never getting paid. He is so ashamed for not getting the dough to me promptly he's leaving the paper altogether rather than face the consequences." I know it to be true.

But here's the kicker: I just got an email from now-managing editor Tanya Richardson, who seems very excited to pay me off in exchange for my continued silence (ie, no more annoying emails to the Press). What a miracle! Could it be true, am I getting paid AND seeing the departure of Koyen all at once?

Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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Tuesday, March 08, 2005 at 14:02:42 (EST)

Looking at the snowflakes and they all look the same
Aw, man, what's with this snow? it was almost all gone this morning and now it looks like Christmas is just around the corner. This blizzard is crimping my style.

Is there an accountant hotline that I can call for instant financial advice? My mortgage broker gave me the go-ahead to try to buy a house, but I need to speak with a financial professional before I can put the wheels in motion. But in a couple weeks, I just might be on the road to Responsible Adultland, owning my own home and finding new outrages in my gas bill. Oh, the wonder of it all!

Assuming I can rent out the other apartment, I should have no trouble making the mortgage payments. What spooks me is all the up-front costs of purchasing property, between the inspection, lawyer fees and other various expenses of moving and living in a new place. I'll probably be dead broke when it's all over. But then comes the mysterious term 'equity' and all that it promises.

Things are obviously very fetal at this point, but this is a very real possibility. If I play my cards right, expect an invite to a Cinco de Mayo/Housewarming party.

Just to be safe, I'm gonna buy a lottery ticket every day until the closing. Do any of you guys ever buy lottery tickets? I don't think I have ever bought one myself. My grandfather used to buy one for every member of the family on Christmas, and my former roommate used to bring home scratchers every so often, but I don't even know how one goes about acquiring them, despite all my time spent in the liquor store.

Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink

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Monday, March 07, 2005 at 12:16:49 (EST)

He said Sheela-Na-Gig, you exhibitionist
I don't want to get all Black Table on you here, but this needs some exposure. Here's a guy looking for some hot, none-too-bright babes to shill his real estate properties. Think about it, ladies! Could be a good career move, as long you know that the "majority of investors have wandering eyes" and "are willing to let 'boys be boys.'" This could be a joke posting, but it also might be totally real.

 

Sexy Girl needed to show properties for a percentage


Reply to: anon-62223629@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-07, 11:35AM EST


Here is the job. Show up on time. Greet the perspective buyer. Show them around and be upbeat. Smile point things out and maybe a little flirting. I will also walk you through the first few so you get a feel for what you have to point out. You do not need experience but should be willing to learn about buildings and terminology. That is it. You will receive a contract for each property to insure you get paid upon sale.

Who sells the most real estate to investors. Women. Why. Most investors are men. They know what they want to buy. All of our properties sell sooner or later. Since they are investors everything is about bottom line so you do not have to do any hard sell. The money is good and the work is fairly easy. If you are good, like the work and want to learn, I will show you how the business works. If you do not want to learn the business you can just show the properties and make extra money. This can be a part time thing or in your spare time. You will be paid for every closing.

You should be attractive, have a professional tone, but be willing to flirt, dress sexy and not be shy. The majority of investors have wandering eyes and most female agents tend to frown on this. This is why I am looking for someone who understands how well established investors act. If you show the investor a good property and are willing to let “boys be boys” this gives them a relaxed atmosphere and they are more willing to consider the purchase. Lets be honest. No matter how smart or experienced an investor is, most men tend to act like juveniles around sexy women. By remembering you they will remember the properties when it comes time to make an investment decision.

I am looking for more than one person so if this sounds good please contact me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.




Posted By Jimmy Legs | Non-PermaLink
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