Got the Jimmy Legs

September 10, 2008 – 10:23 am

Columbian necktie

This is the only photo I took of our vacation

I took an actual vacation from work, but now I am back and I am trying to determine if the time off has made any difference. So far today it seems that all the work I left before is still here, plus a bunch of stupid crap that has piled up in the mean time. I don't mind it so much since I can pull the "hey, I just got back from vacation and I am swamped" for the next week or so. I suppose the fact that I don't mind this means the vacation succeeded in relaxing me adequately. I blew off just enough steam to once again resume my cog-in-the-wheel status.

In two weeks my office moves downtown, which would be interesting if it didn't mean I will have to start dressing up for work. I think I have to start wearing ties and shirts that tuck in. Does anyone know if they make pre-tied neckties that can be buttoned in the back? Not a clip-on, which is pretty obvious, this would be something that would look like a real tie from the front but be easy to attach in the back (the clasp would be covered by the collar). I looked for this but I couldn't really find any; doesn't this seem odd? Why do people waste valuable time tying their ties every single day? I thought about just loosening the knot so I could put it back on, but this tends to rumple the tie. Is this a million-dollar idea the corporate world has been waiting for?

Anyway, I'm back. Our vacation consisted of a short jaunt to the Greater Cleveland Area, to visit some people up there and generally not do anything. The highlight of the trip was holing up in the lovely Super 8 motel, eating junk food and watching cable television. Of course after 3 days of this, we were both totally sick of junk food and agreed that even with 60 channels there was absolutely nothing to watch (although we could almost get by on just Bravo and Animal Planet). We hung out with my sister's family and finally got to see lifelong friend James' new house. We hit up Corky & Lenny's, Tommy's Diner (soy milkshakes!), Aladdin's (best baba ever), and drank free Starbucks the entire time using the gift cards our bosses had given us last Christmas. We ran through the endless aisles of Giant Eagle and the non-crowded Whole Foods, went to the mall and bought some clothes, and remembered to swing by Big Fun on the way to the airport to buy some crap (actually I bought some tin crickets to help train the cats to do my bidding). In short, we lived like Ohioans, if only for a short time.

There is something to be said for sequestering yourself away from your life. I kind of scoffed at that sort of thing in the past, but the older you get, the more necessary it may be. Even if we hadn't gone to Cleveland, we could have booked a room at some local fleabag motel to get out of our house for a couple days. The remainder of our vacation was spent at home, and although we got a lot of work done on the house, that's exactly the problem: you can't sit at home and do nothing. I've tried before but sooner or later I find myself weeding, or fixing something, or god forbid, cleaning. In that Super 8 with the uncomfortable headboard and nonexistent maid service, we were forced to actually do nothing, which is harder than it sounds.

Anyway, when we returned to Brooklyn we set about out our tasks, which included hitting the newish Ikea. We've been in our house for almost 2 years and we still haven't bought any furniture or anything. My night stand is a storage chest; Jeannie's is a chair. Our couch (a gift from our pal Sean M, who has basically outfitted our entire home with his hand-me-downs) once was an elegant fixture from the 50's, but it has been used to the point that it cuts off leg circulation when you sit on it for a while. I don't know that I ever had any political issue with the opening of the Brooklyn Ikea, but if I did, I forgot all about it when I realized we could outfit most of the house for less than one couch from Room and Board.

Ikea was nice enough, we picked out tons of stuff, then came home and bought it online. Annoyingly, a few items were not available online, so we'll still have to go back there at some point. The shipping costs were also outrageous, but we still came in several hundred bucks below my intended ceiling. Who knows when we actually will get the stuff, this doesn't seem to be their strong point.

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Cleveland, Good Stuff, Job, Motel, Ohio, Vacation | Comments Off

August 28, 2008 – 11:12 am

But they're never gonna see another one like I had with you

Mugsy is not gonna win any Cat Fancy awards, but he's one of our favorite feral cats. He's gotten a lot sweeter since we callously trapped and castrated him, which makes me think we should start doing this to people who bug us as well. It's tough love! Anyway, he usually hangs out in our yard with his boyfriend George. He has his own chair under the gazebo tent, a disheveled patio chair with a hair-matted cushion on it. He comes by every day. Or I should say, he did come by every day.

Last Tuesday he abruptly stopping showing up. George still came by to eat, but he seemed like half a cat without Mugsy. Of course, he's a feral cat and by definition they don't have a home and are therefore sort of entitled to wander wherever they want. But it seemed increasingly strange that this one wasn't showing up. Frankly, where would he go besides our yard?

So I climbed through the fence in the back yard and started looking for him. It was a dumb idea, like a feral cat is gonna just sit there and wait for me to walk up, o hai. But I thought maybe I could get some idea of what had happened to him. A feral's life is hard, often brutal and usually short. I half-expected to find his dead body in the bushes, guarded by George.

Behind our house there is a run-down rectory and a recently-resurrected church (bad economy = holy rollin' weekends). The rectory house appears to be unused and we often joke that the cats live inside it. Beyond the church, the rest of the block is houses in a variety of styles; right next door is a 6-family frame house. I crept behind the church, simultaneously trying not to attract attention and acting like I was supposed to be there.

I went past the church to the 6-family house. It's in a pretty sorry state, the best thing about it is the relatively new plywood panels boarding up all the windows (still I'm not entirely sure that people aren't living there). Just as I rounded the corner, I saw what appeared to be George's distinctive tail disappearing under the corner of the house. I knelt down and could see a hole just below the aluminum siding, just big enough for a cat to fit through. All joking aside, these feral cats have their own damn house!

I didn't have a flashlight so I couldn't see much more. But I figured if George was in there, then Mugsy was probably also there, if at all. There wasn't anything I could do but hope he would show up again. Just over a week later, Mugsy did return, his eyes crusted mostly shut from an upper respiratory infection, but otherwise unharmed. I can't figure out how he survived all that time, but there's probably water in the house, and who knows, maybe he was catching mice.

God help the local cats if the economy recovers enough that somebody fixes up this neighborhood, where will all the cats live? Don't answer that.

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Cats, Feral, Neighbors, The Yard | Comments Off

August 26, 2008 – 1:10 pm

Dead eyes feeding your dead dead brain

Oh god, life is passing me by! And by 'life' I mean summer. Summer kind of sucks for adults, especially when the weather is nice out, like it has been lately. Sure, most of the summer was super hot and I honestly didn't mind coming to my windowless office to bask in the air conditioning that forced me to bring a sweater to work. But it's been so temperate lately, I have been increasingly despising that force that drags me back into this hell hole every day.

Or maybe it's just because my job sucks.

Of course, some would disagree with me. Most of the time I don't have all that much to do. But in the past few months I have had to work like never before, often without much guidance. If I was doing work I cared about, this would be an awesome opportunity to really dig in and test my skill set and grow as a person. Unfortunately those jobs that would provide this rich, philosophically pleasing experience (Kittenhugger, Freestyle Rapper) do not pay the bills. Instead, I'm doing work I don't like for people who demand too much out of us.

Meanwhile I gotta deal with unhelpful tech people who always treat my questions with this weird threatened defensiveness, as if helping me do my stupid job somehow robs them of their elvish secrets and render them only +2 strength and agility. They're cagey and refuse to answer questions straight. They do ask me to call them, but frankly, their English is bad and their phone connections are scratchy and I fear this would be even more intolerable.

Clearly I'm feeling burned out. The remedy: vacation! It's been a year since the last one, and this one promises even less work than the last one! Yes, I'm actually hoping to have no contact with the office while I'm out. Of course, it's pretty doubtful this will be possible, but I swear I won't check my email until I return.

And where does the burned-out web grunt go to unwind? Cleveland, Ohio! Yes, one of the most sought-after cities for people looking for an immersively relaxing experience, Cleveland is synonymous with luxury and sheer happiness. Who can stay stressed out while the soothing fingers of the Cuyahoga river caress their aching muscles? Who can refuse a third helping of zebra mussel salad? Who can resist the temptation of that part of town so relaxing it's called 'The Flats'? I'll be flatlining in no time!

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Famliy, Friends, Job, Vacation | Comments Off

August 12, 2008 – 11:23 am

I read in the paper about their escape

We're full up with cats, even some kittens again. But sadly, these kittens were only recently revealed to us, so by the time we captured them they were super feral and showing no signs of wanting to be tamed. We got them fixed and eartipped (though they did an especially good job this time of making the eartips barely noticeable). We were prepared to release them, since time is short to socialize them and again, we already have way too many cats. What we didn't count on is the kittens not wanting to leave.

After recovering from their surgery for several days, the kittens seemed back to normal and ready to reintroduce to the back yard. I figured if we opened the door to their room and opened the back door they'd just scamper out and, I dunno, frolic in the ivy, or something. Instead one ran under our bed and the other went outside. But then she came back inside. The female (Black Betty) is brave and curious, she explores the house and occasionally looks out the window. The male kitten (no name yet, we keep calling him Small Fry) is far less trusting and keeps out of sight until the fall of night, when he comes out to knock things off of other things. Neither is showing any interest in going outside.

This is not to imply that they love us and want to spent time gentling cuddling in our arms; they get wide-eyed and bolt when we hove into sight. Thus the issue: they're too feral to adopt but they don't wanna move out. I guess we'll have to give them the boot, but I wonder if they won't just dash back in the house. They might be thinking, with so many cats around who'd notice a couple more? And they'd probably be right. But I'm not telling them.

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Cat Fixin', Feral, kittens | Comments Off

July 30, 2008 – 12:29 pm

It's business time

I've been back from my trip for almost a week now. I keep trying to think of something interesting post about the experience, but every time I try I just feel tired. I'm sure that Singapore and Hong Kong are fascinating places but I didn't have any time to see any of it. The work schedule was relentless, leaving me little time to do anything of interest. I do gotta say, if ever you need to take a 16 hour plane ride, make sure you fly at least business class and under no circumstances take an American airline company. For some reason the US doesn't know how to make people comfortable on long flights. I had to take a United flight from Singapore to Hong Kong, the shortest flight of my trip at 4 hours. The trip was no uncomfortable, I had lots of leg room and the plane was also basically empty. But compared to the amenities on the Singapore Air and Cathay Pacific flights I took, it was like riding a bus across the ocean. Cathay Pacific in particular provided individual chamber-like seats that basically force you to lie down and watch movies for 20 hours straight, while stuffing you full of food and offering you a selection of whiskeys. If I win the lottery, I'm booking a series of consecutive flights, so I can spend weeks in this state, without ever getting off the plane. Even the turbulence felt pretty good.

Anyway, now I'm back and have exponentially more work to do, plus I'm feeling residual jet lag effects, and the construction work on the floor below my office continues unabated, the pounding and drilling louder than ever before. I should have stolen those noise-canceling headphones they handed out!