I think I need to hire somebody else to clean out my basement. Not because I mind the work, that's no big deal. But I get caught up in looking at all the junk and coming up with reasons NOT to throw it away. Piles of garbage, boxes full of bric-a-brac, I know we need the space and the stuff therein is worthless (as evidenced by the fact that it hasn't moved since we got here). What could I possibly have in all these boxes that I would want to keep? I should throw it all out!

But then, I start looking at the stuff … and the brain starts coming up with reasons I need to keep it. A blister pack of small wheels, oh yeah, I need that. I'll put them on the coffee table to make it easier to sweep under it. A door chain lock, I better keep that in case those fake ConEd people start coming around. The 'smokeless' ashtray, it's such a good idea, even though you basically have to strap the thing to your chin for it to do any good. The toggle-nut bolts, the extra-small screws, the picture hanging kit … I never use them but I have to have them at all times! The half-empty tubes of caulk or pails of grout, who knows when I may need them? Can you imagine how pissed I'll be next time I'm caulking and I run out and all I need is just a little bit more …

I know the logic is flawed in there somewhere, but I can't find the fissure when I'm down in the cellar up to my knees in detritus. So I think I need to hire somebody who will just go down and be able to say, "Okay, this stuff is necessary, tools, sandpaper, tire pump. But this collection of broken picture frames you 'plan' to repair, toss it." It sounds so simple but I don't know if I can be trusted to sort it out on my own. Realistically, the Sorter would have to remove the offending items as well, I'm sure I would second guess when his back was turned and pocket some empty Lysol cans and pipe joint compound. I need I need!