Funny to Me

Goodbye, horses

March 19, 2008 – 11:06 am

Maybe it's the rain bringing me down, but I am done with this lame weather. I was watching an episode of Law & Order last night and there was a shot in the Village in which you could see that red brick church in the background (you know the one I'm talking about) and it was obviously a mild day in the late-spring/summer. How I long for those days. I want to get up from the couch and walk outside without having to think twice about my outer vestments. I want to have the freedom of movement that comes from not having to wear a big coat all the time. Plus, apparently, it's a woman's coat.

A few weeks ago when the J train was skipping our stop due to track work, our car was assailed by Ralphie, some homeless nut who was asking for money. When he didn't get much response he started yelling at everybody on his way to the next car, "God sees through you!!" We got off at Broadway Junction to wait for a shuttle bus home, and he emerged from the station, all nerves and crazy-eyes.

Now, on the plus side, he did say "Hey beautiful" to Jeannie, but there ended his good judgment. He then looked at me and cried out, "Why you wearin' a woman's coat?!"

My winter jacket is a parka purchased from Uncle Sam's Army-Navy store (coincidentally right around the corner from the aforementioned church). Unlike your standard coat, it's full-length, cuz my legs get cold, dammit. I've always felt it was squarely nondenominational but I certainly don't think it looks feminine.

Ralphie ranted on, "That's a woman's coat. Why are you wearing that, man?" Finally he huffed, "It's embarrassing!" and turned away in disgust.

There you have it, I have embarrassed a man not above scrounging on the subway for money. Will spring never come?

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Mass Transit | Comments Off

I am the eye in the sky

February 29, 2008 – 2:50 pm

When I was a lad I loved the comic strip Garfield. It used to be sort of funny. Nowadays it's just stupid. I don't think it's because I've grown up, I think the old ones are still funny. But the new stuff isn't funny. anyway, somebody had the idea to remove Garfield's namesake from a bunch of the strips, and suddenly it's not only hilarious again, it's thoughtful, sad, something like a Beckett play. You might have to read a few of them to get into it, but slowly you'll start to see the character of Jon quietly go insane. Interesting to think that the only difference is there's no cat for him to talk to. I talk to cats all the time. Would I talk as much if they weren't there. Yes. Yes, I would.

via freedanger

By Jimmy Legs | Comments Off

Turn Around, Bright Eyes

February 11, 2008 – 3:00 pm

Turn Around, Bright Eyes, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

In an effort to prove I do sometimes leave the house for things other than work and feral cats, here's some photos from Matt & Sylvia's party the other night. they live in Greenpoint, and managed to find a place that doesn't yet appear to be played out in the Williamsburg way. And yet, it can boast stuff like nearby bars, bodegas on literally every corner, plus it's on the far side of town from the bulk of the oil spill.

My neighborhood still shuts down too early, and the bodegas that are open 24 hours are not exactly the type of places you want to spend lots of time. Then again, you don't actually get to go in, you boss some schmoe around behind three inches of bulletproof lucite.

The only real drawback to the neighborhood is you're pretty much stuck with the G train. And let's face it, it won't wash. I don't blame the train, I blame the MTA for being fully 5 years behind the times. Every single neighborhood that is serviced by the G has become real estate gold (more or less). Look at this list of areas the G runs through, tell me it doesn't read like the last several editions of NY Magazine's "Next Hottest Neighborhood Our Cool Interns Say are Hot Hot Hot":

Red Hook, Carrol Gardens, Boerum Hill, Fort Greene, Clinton Hill, Bed-Stuy, Williamsburg, Greenpoint, Long Island City. The G connects to the F, A/C, L (Brooklyn), and the E, 7, and V trains in Queens. Not bad, right? So why does the train still suck so much?

I know they're extending the run further into Brooklyn, but that sounds to me like it will take just that much longer for the train to get anywhere. It's pretty impressive that it's been able to handle these ever-more-populous neighborhoods with its dinky 4-car load. I dunno, maybe the folks who live in these neighborhoods learn a kind of zen-like patience I can't begin to imagine. I mean, I used to live off the Classon station for years and somehow survived it, but now that I live on a train line that keeps a pretty tight schedule, it drives me nuts when I find myself standing around that bizarrely run-down Broadway station.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Friends, Gentrification, Mass Transit, Parties | Comments Off

Goodnight Irene

January 25, 2008 – 11:26 am

Milk the cat

The cats and I managed to survive standing around in zero-degree wind chill for two hours Monday morning and are now spayed. Roxy was crazed from the anesthetic, when i released her from her carrier, she ran around the room like it was electrified, variously falling down or slamming her head into the walls. I should have left her in the carrier, but she had been in there several hours and was supposed to be well past the point that she could come out. But she is small for her age and is normally really energetic, so maybe they gave her too much kitty chloroform. She eventually ran out of steam and laid down, but not without injury. She had a big red welt under her eye from running into the door. I felt really bad for her, but she seems to be okay now and is coming around. She even seems to be a little more tame than pre-surgery, hopping onto the couch with me and allowing us to pet her.

The other cat we took in is doing fine, sans histrionics. She has been sleeping a lot on the top floor of the house, where nobody will bug her. We've been trying to think of a name and wanted to continue the recent trend of antiquated proper nouns we've been ascribing to the other cats we've taken in. So far the calico cats we've had have been named: Gladys, Lucy, Flossie and Roxy. I like these old lady names (though Roxy has a slatternly bent to it) and the new cat has a similar deportment as Gladys, making her a prime target of some doily-fringed moniker of old.

With a little googling, we found lists of the most popular baby names by decade. Focusing on the names of the 1910's, I was surprised to find not only every one of the above cat names, but countless others that were downright bizarre. You know how people like to poke fun at nontraditional "black" baby names? This list proves how there really is nothing new under the sun.

The list is taken from some kind of database that lists each name by actual number of babies born that decade. Of our already-named cats, Gladys leads the pack with 4,778, Lucy has 1,564, Flossie has 328, and Roxie (close enough!) with 166. There's a lot of good old-lady cat names that we'd heard of on the list, but a whole slew of them were unknown to me. A sampling:

Avis, Bernadine, Birdie, Bulah, Dessie, Dovie, Effie, Elda, Elfrieda, Elnora, Era, Erna, Essie, Eula Nettie , Exie, Fern, Florine, Floy, Germaine, Gussie, Hattie, Hertha, Hettie, Ila, Iola, Iona, Jettie, Juanita, Leola, Leota, Letha, Ludie, Luella, Lula, Mafalda, Mamie, Mattie, Mazie, Melba, Merle, Mittie, Mozelle, Myrtice, Myrtie, Myrtis, Nedra, Neva, Novella, Ocie, Ola, Oleta, Ollie, Oma, Ona, Ora, Orpha, Otilia, Ouida, Palma, Pearlie, Retha, Reva, Rilla, Theda, Tressie, Vada, Verda, Vesta, Wava, Zella, Zona

Those are just some that caught my eye, there's a lot more on that list. And these aren't individual examples, either; the list excludes names with less than 29 instances. My personal favorites are Elfrieda and Floy, though neither seems applicable to this cat. We've been rotating a series of names off the list, since she wouldn't know her name from a hole in the ground anyway.

By Jimmy Legs | Also posted in Babies, Cat Fixin', Cats | Comments Off

Throw the crib door wide

January 14, 2008 – 4:01 pm

Don't eat the baby, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

I haven't posted much here lately, but there are lots of pictures on my Flickr site. Besides the obligatory cat photos, there's some photos of the baby shower we attended on Saturday. I feel so grown up.

The shower finally gave us a reason to go into the Kidz & Co. store that opened up on the corner of our street. When the place opened several months ago, our dim hopes for a bar or bakery or even a Conway were dashed, and we just learned to live with yet another store that we had no use for on the block.

But our friends breeding gave us shopping rites, and man, baby clothes are cheap! Especially at this south Bushwick outlet. We chose a dark-blue hoodie with a printed pattern of gold dollar signs and diamonds. It's meant for a 12-month old, but clothes like that are meant to be worn large. Even though the baby will live in Chelsea, in case she comes to Brooklyn, she'll know just what to wear.