You remember that Kurt Vonnegut story, "Harrison Bergeron"? It's the overly-pointed tale of life in the not-too-distant-future when the government makes every equal, not just legally but physically. So everybody has actual devices implanted on their bodies to reign in their innate abilities so everyone is no better than the weakest link in the chain. In this case, it's the mom character, who has no devices at all. Anyway the story is like junior high-grade pedantry about how conformity is bad and how we shouldn't let our leaders legislate too much of our lives, yahyah yah.

I bring this story up because of the father character, he has a little radio embedded in his brain that sends out a piercing tone every so often, "to keep people like George from taking unfair advantage of their brains." The noise is just distracting enough to make him lose his train of thought. You see, for the past few weeks they have been demolishing the building next door to our office. There is much drilling, much hammering, some exploding. I'm supposed to be working on Important Business Work here, but the constant pounding is making it hard to think straight.

So I'm thinking of the dad in the story, how he can't remember what he's thinking out after a few minutes; that's what it's like in here. I am frustrated and antsy, but have no idea what to do about it. The simplest tasks are hard to bring to fruition, and I find myself looking forward to the lunch hour, if only to have a reason to get outside the building for a few minutes.

Yet I also feel oddly elated. Outside of the annoyance of the noise, nothing phases me too much. I can't remember the things that are supposed to be worrying me for more than a minute at a time, so consequently I don't feel burdened by them. I am dimly aware that this is an artificial state and that once away from the sound of the piledrivers all my daily worries will come home to roost (most likely as I try to fall asleep). But for the moment I take comfort in the fact that all this noise is dumbing me down enough to feel rather happy.

I think I might get another credit card!

Labels: Funny to Me, Job, Office

Now in my 35th year, my body has started gaining new ailments and allergies. For many years I never had much trouble with illness, but by stuffing the house full of cats, plus the general dustiness of your average Brooklyn rowhouse, I keep getting new and irritating symptoms.

The newest is itchy eyes. It has also been suggested that the many, many hours I spent leaning over computer monitors may also be contributing, but I prefer to think it's a specific allergic reaction to Valentine the stray cat. She's what is known as a tortie-point Siamese, really weird looking, but very affectionate. I noticed when she sits in my lap for a while my eyes start itching something fierce.

I apparently haven't bought eye drops in some four years (at least that was the expiration date on the only bottle I had at home). So I went to buy some more potent tinctures at the nearby CVS. Have you ever seen the eye drops shelf at the drugstore? It's insane, there must be 40 types of eye drops. You got your basic saline solutions, your 'dry eyes,' 'red eyes,' 'allergy eyes'. What's what? I checked the active ingredients, seeing that there is an agent that specifically reduces redness (in fact, you can buy "Maximum Strength Redness Reduction" if you don't want your boss to know you're totally a pothead). But I don't particularly care if my eyes are red; I just need to stop scratching my eyes out.

So I got two different kinds, one with a variety of ocular lubricants, and one that's specifically for allergies. I know it's working because my eyes don't itch anymore: they're in searing pain instead!

Once the horrible burning sensation subsided, my eyes feel like they took benadryl. They feel heavy and their reaction time is slow. Plus they keep wanting to take a nap. Or is it just another fascinating day in the office?

Labels: Office

My company is now officially another company. Whoopee. The last week has been super annoying, the kind of week that makes me want to push people's buttons just because you know you can quickly have them as annoyed as you are. This is the kind of week that you almost wish for a crowded subway, just so you have an excuse to elbow a stranger in the ribs. Luckily, this is a wish I don't have to hold my breath to get on a regular basis.

I supposed over all the transition has been pretty smooth, I just have lots of tedious stuff to do, people pushing me from all sides even though none of them really know what they want. They just know somebody is supposed to be doing something, so everybody's been running around like their hair's on fire, if only to look like they know what's going on.

I skipped a company party to pick up some TNR cats from the shelter. It's times like these I suspect my priorities need to be reevaluated. But then I remember that trapping wild cats doesn't adequately fund the lifestyle I enjoy that has proper resources to trap and hold feral cats. Then I shut up and I get back to work. You should get back to work too.

Labels: BARC, Cat Fixin', Cats, Feral, Job, Office, Strays, Tedium

The other day I trudged uptown to the Bed Bath & Beyond way over past 1st Ave and 61st St. It's nice to have this big box store sort of nearby, but it's always a bit of a hike. I go by the Roosevelt Island tram, which is always fascinating in its total obsolescence (don't get me wrong, I hope they never dismantle it!) I also realized that the area I walk through also contains Scores, the 'gentlemen's club' once patronized by Howard Stern until his friend who worked there quit and now they go to a place called Ricky's.

I also go by Trump Plaza Apartments, a building unique in its design in that no matter the time period, it always looked dated and tacky, yet without style. I dunno, maybe it's the super-scripty calligraphy noting the name of the building all over the place. I walk though part of Sutton Place as well, eyeing actual brownstones and fancy stores I shall never patronize. I balked when I first found out I would have to work in midtown; now I'm pleased to be able to see all these parts of the city I would never set foot in otherwise.

Anyhow, I went to BB&B to buy a warm mist humidifier, because our house has been so dry this winter we are all suffering. I can't even pet the cats without creating sparks worthy of a Mr Wizard episode. Plus it's irritating my nasal passages (it's also possible the 10 cats currently in the house are adding to this). So I pick out a decent, basic model, thinking dimly that I should open the box to check it out before purchase.

"Aw, nah," I think to myself. "I don't wanna be one of those people who opens up boxes in the store." I don't know where this came from, but I had noticed a lot of the boxes had obviously been opened, including the one I ended up purchasing. Still my logic prevailed, I was above tampering with an item before I purchased it.

The box was just large enough to be cumbersome, one of those things that makes you conspicuous on the train. I managed to get it home with only a few scowls, and brought it up to our bedroom. I unpacked the humidifier, only to find a huge-ass crack in the plastic reservoir.

At first I thought I somehow cracked it in transit. But then I realized, that's why it was still on the shelf even though it had been opened. Somebody smarter than I had the foresight to make sure the damn thing wasn't all smashed up before they lugged it halfway across New York. Alas.

So today I had to drag it back. It actually worked out well, because at my initial purchase I had forgotten I had a coupon good for 20% any item (it was actually addressed to Matt but he has no need of the girly gear sold at such stores). So I returned the cracked one, and bought the replacement (I checked it out this time first) and saved ten bucks. I just hope this thing does the trick. I already feel like an old lady, now I'm an old lady with a humidifier.

Oh yes, and 10 cats.

Labels: Health, Job, Midtown, Office, Shopping, The City

For some stupid reason they have been keeping the air conditioning on full blast here, even though it's October (albeit, a rather warm October). This has something to do either with our LAN room (sort of makes sense) or the building renovation next door (makes no sense), depending on who you talk to. Whatever it is, it's totally annoying. I'm cold.

So I've been drinking lots of hot beverages, which is not unusual. But for the past week, I swear every single time I go to get coffee from our sub-par coffeemaker, there is barely any left. So not only do I have to drink the burned, sludgy dregs of the carafe, I gotta make another pot.

This wouldn't bother me but I know by the time I get back, it'll be back down to almost nothing again. I have made 3 pots of coffee today, and benefited from none of them. This is why communism doesn't work.

I hope our new parent company has Flavia.

Labels: Bad Stuff, Office, Weather

I've been hobnobbing with the Jet Set in the penthouse suites of significant buildings downtown. Well, one suite in one hotel. I did a 2-day long training for my "career development." I don't know if it'll really help my job but it was a welcome respite from the stupid stuff I have to do every day in the office. However, missing Monday and Tuesday uptown means missing my favorite dishes at the Indian food cart. Have I ever told you guys about that?

Reluctant as I was to move to this uptown office, I must admit that lunch options for a vegetarian are pretty good. There's a middle eastern cart right outside my office that makes some of the best falafel I've ever had, and there's restaurants like Burritoville, which although wildly overpriced, at least set a precedent for vegan food in the area. There are also two Indian food carts. Yes, two. I don't know if they are related, but they set up on the same block right down from each other. I notice one gets much more business than the other, so I go to the one with no line.

Both usually offer the same menu (which makes me think they are related): some main dish and a side dish over rice with some salad and roti or chapati. The entrees are things like Chana Masala and Daal, with Aloo Saag as a side dish. And most of the time it kicks ass. They serve the same rotating menu every week and Monday and Tuesday have the best stuff (the aforementioned Masala and Daal). Anyway it's four bucks for this big platter.

Anyway, the training was fun, but now it's back to the grind. But even that's not so bad, provided people don't hassle me too much over the next couple of days. Meanwhile, the kittens continue to grow. All of them have been eating solid food for a while now, and are getting really big. This has also brought up the newest issue, getting them to use the damn litterbox.

I kept putting them into the litterbox but they just haven't been getting it. Lucy doesn't like the corncob litter I'm using (chosen because it's nontoxic and kittens tend to eat everything) so she's not exactly modeling the behavior. Then we noticed the kittens were pooping under the bed. Great. But at least this gave us some 'samples' to use as a guide. I put some in the box and lo and behold, just before we left for work this morning, one of the ginger cats was going to town in the litterbox! A couple of the other kittens witnessed the incident, so hopefully the gears are turning and they'll all get the message. The only problem now is that Lucy, while she won't use it herself, insists on scratching around in the litterbox, tossing litter across the room. This morning she flipped over the whole box. I'm gonna have to nail it to the floor.

Stay tuned for progress photos. One of the kittens is way huger than the others, it's weird!

Labels: Cats, Food, Job, kittens, Office

I don't talk about my job much because it's boring. If it's any indication, it's less exciting than both cats and back yard gardens, given how much I post on these latter topics vs. my job. Tomorrow, as per my 'development plan' I must attend a day-long training session in my old office building downtown. The only problem is, I don't know where in the building.

There are any number of floors in this building that belong to my company; the training could be on any one of them, or none at all (some trainings are held in nearby hotel conference rooms). When I confirmed my attendance, I received an email detailing the training. Under 'Location' it read only "3B/C."

What the hell is 3B/C? Somebody tell me, is this some standard nomenclature I don't know about? The building has some 60 floors, and who-knows how many rooms on each. So I emailed them back to clarify.

hi,
I will be in your class on Thursday, but i'm not sure where exactly it will be located (i work in the midtown office). can you let me know the floor and room number?

thanks,
jimmy

I thought this was pretty straightforward, just tell me the floor and room and I'll be there. The response:

We have a midtown office? I did not know that. We are at [123 Office Street], E Train to Chambers/WTC. Use the entrance marked [123], go up the escalator. Do you know if we have to clear you through security?

Um, okay. I now know the building, but they've only got me up to the security desk. I asked simply for floor and room number, the info they've given me only narrows it down to a city block. But, they don't know I used to work there so I'm familiar with its location and already have an ID card. So I reply,

hi,
yes there's a small office in midtown for [our department]. i used to work in the tower so i have access, but what floor and room number will the training be in?

thanks,

Again I try to simply specify I need to know what floor and what room this training will be in. I feel like a dork for having to ask the exact same question again, but I know what I need to know, I'm just at a loss as to why they aren't giving me a straight answer.

Sounds great thanks for clarifying. The training will be held in 3B/C. We look forward to your attendance.

Huh? Wait, did they just give me this 3B/C shit again? Oh no she didn't! I still don't know what that means, despite several emails back and forth. I send a final, pathetic message:

i'm sorry, i don't know what 3b/c means. is it the 3rd floor? i guess there will be signs to direct me when i arrive.

Frankly, I'm hoping there aren't signs. I don't want to go to this training anyway. And if I remember correctly, the 3rd floor is the cafeteria, and there are no conference rooms there. But hey, I tried. We'll see, maybe there will be a marching band waiting in the lobby to take me up to the magical 3B/C room.

Oh, did I mention this is a training in marketing communication. Can't wait!

UPDATE: Just received this mass email to all participants:

Good Day-

Tomorrow's session begins promptly at 9am on the 3rd floor (cafeteria floor) in Rooms B and C. Continental Breakfast will be available at 8:30am. We look forward to your participation. Thank you and have a great day.

Whaddya know, there ARE conference rooms on the cafeteria floor. So am I a moron for not figuring this out? Still shouldn't have taken them so long to clear it up. Stupid babies need the most attention!

That continental breakfast still isn't enough to get me in there before 9.

Labels: Bad Stuff, Office

I don't know what's going on around here, but nearly every day in this office, somebody apparently is having fish for lunch and it's driving me crazy. I don't even think it's somebody in my office, as the smell is so pervasive it could be coming from anywhere. It's even in the elevator. It'll take like another few hours before things get back to normal. I have nothing against pescetarians, but at least tofu is not nearly as pungent. Frankly, I thought this would have ended after Easter, but perhaps I made a leap in logic that the reality cannot sustain.

Labels: Food, Office

I just realized I'm hitting the stride of the longest holiday drought for the whole year. After a run of holidays that gives me a day off at least once a month for 6 months, the next holiday I get is Memorial Day. That's like 2 months away! And it's at the END of the month too! Of course, some people don't get all these days off (even I feel politically unsure of Columbus Day, but I'll take the day off, sure). These are my holidays:

UNITED STATES 2007 Holidays Date	Holiday
01/01/2007	New Year's Day
01/15/2007	Martin Luther King's Birthday
02/19/2007	Presidents Day
05/28/2007	Memorial Day
07/04/2007	Independence Day
09/03/2007	Labor Day
10/08/2007	Columbus Day
11/12/2007	Veterans Day
11/22/2007	Thanksgiving Day
12/25/2007	Christmas Day

The way I see it, this dearth of holidays reminds me that we have several months for which we should be nominating for new holidays. Here's my suggestions for the months I'm not currently getting long weekends:

• March 21: Jimmy Legs Memorial Day. To commemorate those few days last March when the nation held its breath and I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital until they ran me through every expensive piece of machinery in the place (including the machine that goes "Pinnng!")
• April 14: Birthday/Unbirthday Day. It's a real birthday for Buzz, Abby, and Janice, and probably some other people. So let's all pretend it's our birthday too (this will also mean 50 Cent will always be able to find work in the future).
• June 15: June Appreciation Day. I always looked forward to June, but it seems to go by too quickly. Before I know it, it's the 4th of July, it's hot and humid, and I have the sneaking suspicion I've just wasted a whole month. This won't stop that, but at least I won't waste this day redesigning the background image for a PowerPoint presentation.
• August 7: Throw Bottles in Your Neighbor's Yard Day. This holiday, celebrated weekly by my neighbors, gets the solemn, national attention it deserves.

Labels: Funny to Me, Holidays, Office

My boss said I could leave early today because of the weather (which I think is actually her guilty conscience cuz she almost never comes into the office at all). But I can't because I'm taking a training that runs from 3-6PM. So that sucks. The likelihood of getting a real snow day is pretty slim at this point in my life. It's times like these I feel should rationalize my returning to telecommuting all the time ("I could work through any blizzard! And I will, too! Sure!") But I'm just about to pass the one-year mark as a real employee, so with my annual pay increase looming I guess I won't rock the boat right now. Plus I'm still not convinced I'm indispensable around here yet.

Anyway, this training is a breeze: it's a web-based teleconference so I can sit here and do the crossword while I'm learning a new content management system for the web site. Which of course I could do from home as well ... damn. Now it's too late to get home before the training starts.

Labels: Job, Office