Got the Jimmy Legs

I'm so soaked to the skin

I hate to talk about the weather instead of something more substantial (like, um, how smart pigs are or fantasy holidays), but this weather sucks. It's like March got really nice for a couple of days only to make us feel the pain of this crap all the more. I was lamenting that South By Southwest is going on, as it drains the city of most of our bands, for better or worse. But I'm not going out in this muck tonight.

What's worse is that as a homeowner, I'm supposed to do something about it on my little plot of sidewalk. I guess I'll throw some salt out (thoughtfully left behind by previous owner), but you can't really shovel this sleety/icy/puddly stuff. You remember the scene in Fargo when the cop talks to the guy while he's sweeping his driveway ("And then he says, 'Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake'")? Imagine that falling from the sky, that's what it's doing on the streets of New York.

Times like these I wish my building had its own underground connection to the subway. I think all building within a block of a subway station should have tunnels built so we don't have to walk outside. Better yet, let me stay the hell at home and not bother with any of this crap.

Plans for this weekend include hanging drywall on the ceiling in the basement. This will either go smoothly or the ceiling will collapse upon us and kill us. So if I don't update this blog for, like, a couple of weeks, you'll know I didn't make it.

Let's call the whole thing off

I just realized I'm hitting the stride of the longest holiday drought for the whole year. After a run of holidays that gives me a day off at least once a month for 6 months, the next holiday I get is Memorial Day. That's like 2 months away! And it's at the END of the month too! Of course, some people don't get all these days off (even I feel politically unsure of Columbus Day, but I'll take the day off, sure). These are my holidays:


UNITED STATES

2007 Holidays


Date

Holiday

01/01/2007 New Year's Day
01/15/2007 Martin Luther King's Birthday
02/19/2007 Presidents Day
05/28/2007 Memorial Day
07/04/2007 Independence Day
09/03/2007 Labor Day
10/08/2007 Columbus Day
11/12/2007 Veterans Day
11/22/2007 Thanksgiving Day
12/25/2007 Christmas Day

The way I see it, this dearth of holidays reminds me that we have several months for which we should be nominating for new holidays. Here's my suggestions for the months I'm not currently getting long weekends:

  • March 21: Jimmy Legs Memorial Day. To commemorate those few days last March when the nation held its breath and I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital until they ran me through every expensive piece of machinery in the place (including the machine that goes "Pinnng!")
  • April 14: Birthday/Unbirthday Day. It's a real birthday for Buzz, Abby, and Janice, and probably some other people. So let's all pretend it's our birthday too (this will also mean 50 Cent will always be able to find work in the future).
  • June 15: June Appreciation Day. I always looked forward to June, but it seems to go by too quickly. Before I know it, it's the 4th of July, it's hot and humid, and I have the sneaking suspicion I've just wasted a whole month. This won't stop that, but at least I won't waste this day redesigning the background image for a PowerPoint presentation.
  • August 7: Throw Bottles in Your Neighbor's Yard Day. This holiday, celebrated weekly by my neighbors, gets the solemn, national attention it deserves.

Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place

I was trying to come up with a follow-up post for the animal longevity post to list the relative intelligence of pets, which is my other major issue. You sit there and watch your cat running around and you wonder "Why is he doing that? Does he understand he can't fit under that? Is he a moron?" But alas, there is no helpful list on the web for this that I was able to fine. I have read that cats basically have the intelligence of a 2-year old human. Pigs supposedly are even smarter, at the level of a 3-year old. And of course, cockatiels are on par with 75-year old Mensa members.

I went to the pet store yesterday and saw a cockatiel playing with this rope/wood-block/fuzzy thing, so I thought the birds would like it. I've read that, whatever their intelligence, cockatiels are smart enough to get bored, like teenagers. And what teenager wouldn't be enchanted by a ropy, woody, fuzzy toy? When I showed it to Cheeks, he recoiled in horror, hissing at it like it was a ferret dipped in poison. Giggles flew up onto his perch in the window and threatened to bite if I came near him with it (I did not name these birds). I guess they weren't bored, for those moments. But my dream of getting them to ride a tiny tricycle is probably over.

Heavy Duty

A little left over, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

Finally, some progress! We finished ripping down the paneling and have installed the insulation in the walls and ceilings. This was complicated by the fact that the joists and studs have no particular rhyme or reason, so the fiberglass didn't really stay in place. I whipped out my trusty staple gun, only to find the huge box of staples I bought were the wrong kind. I went to the nearby hardware store but they didn't have the right kind, either. So what did I do? I plunked down $50 for a new staple gun. I felt wasteful and kinda stupid, but it is very nice, as staple guns go.

We tacked up all the fiberglass and started on placement of the metal furring hat channel. This is the narrow u-shaped track (whose profile resembles a hat sort of) that we attach to the joists (via Super Soundproofing Clips), from which drywall will hang. The trick was that we only had 30 sound clips for 5 rows of hat channel, which has to support two layers of 5/8" drywall. Oh, and there are 10 joists that span the room, which is 17' long. You do the math.

I ended using like quantum physics trying to figure out the best placement for each clip. This took hours. Then Buzz suggested that perhaps I was overthinking it a bit, so we took another look and started drilling in the clips. This took like a half hour. Now all that's left is the sheetrock. The 823 pounds of sheetrock …

You'll forget about me after I've been gone

Not that anybody cares, but here's a list of how long some animals are supposed to live. One thinks of such things from time to time, thoughts like "If this cat dies, maybe then I can get another, better one." Now that I see the average life span for a cat is 25 years, I guess I must learn to table these thoughts for a while. Also, since this is my first time living with exotic birds, I am fascinated by the fact that they can live for much longer than seem necessary. In cockatiel years, I should already be dead, but if I was a bird I bet I would have packed a lotta living into those years. But since I have another 30-40 years to fool around with, I feel no need to rush.

I excerpted the full list to just some animals that caught my eye. I think it's amazing that a Great Horned Owl can live to be 68. Of course, hamsters and gerbils again prove their merit as children's pets since they only live 4 or 5 years. But any of the larger birds seem to live forever. Even the lobster rates pretty high on the list. Poor little fella, I can picture it living 48 years only to have its last two years snuffed out when it gets thrown in a pot of boiling water.

    African Grey Parrot 50
    Cat 25
    Chinchilla 20
    Cockatiel 32
    Conure 25
    Dog 22
    Domestic Pigeon 26
    Gerbil 5
    Golden Hamster 4
    Great Horned Owl 68
    Guinea Pig 8
    House Mouse 4
    Human 70-80
    Lobster 15 (they can live into their 50's!)
    Macaw 50
    Parrot 80
    Pigeon 11
    Pionus Parrot 15
    Rabbit 9
    Sulphur Crested Cockatoo 40
    Superb Parrot 36