Got the Jimmy Legs

May 9, 2008 – 12:44 pm

I'm your doctor and here's your bill

Let's see here, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

Note to self: If you take a bunch of cats into your home, eventually some of them will get sick and then you not only have to clean out 60 litter boxes several times a day, you have to administer medication, somehow serve different types of food to cats without the wrong ones sticking their face in, and eventually make vet appointments. One of our street cats, Bishop, showed up limping, and several days of rest in the house have not helped much. So he's going in for what will not doubt be an expensive endeavor to diagnose and treat his malady.

Cheeks the elderly cockatiel has also seen his share of vet action lately. He's developed cataracts, so we took him to one of the better bird docs in the city, which involved taking a car to midtown, missing half a day of work, and blowing lotsa dough. Now we come to find out that he needs a second-opinion blood test to make sure he doesn't have gout (!) so he too is heading to Ridgewood this evening to get checked out.

Meanwhile, there's the little cat pictured above. We've been calling her Shaolin; she can be calm and centered like a Buddhist monk, but suddenly, and without warning, she can turn to ninja assassin mode. She'll be sitting peacefully on the couch, but when another cat enters her line of sight she will jump and race across the room, delivering a barrage of swats while yowling like a malfunctioning theremin.

She's too small to actually inflict any damage on the cats phsyically, but it's very disruptive as it leaves a trail of confused and irritated pets in its wake. We've been trying to teach her not to attack by putting her in the bathroom for 5 minutes at a time every time she does, but so far it ain't sinking in (repeated viewings of Supernanny have proven of little use when it comes to disciplining felines). But we're starting to see why this sweet little kitty may have been abandoned to the streets.

What makes her behavior more bizarre is that she can also be super affectionate to other cats. She's given both Jefe and Flossie a good grooming, only to later pounce on them when they entered the room. Lucky for them, she's ironically docile enough to let me cut her nails, so her blows are less potent. Anyway, she'll be going to the head of the adoption list, even though she's been nothing but nice to us humans. Clearly, the cats are running the show.

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Animals, Cats, Health, Pets, Vets | Comments (1)

May 5, 2008 – 10:07 am

It's a sick world, sick, sick, sick

Two different trains I took this morning were delayed due to sick passengers. I like to think it was the same guy both times. At Marcy Ave, he was all like "Whoa I'm not gonna make it," but when the EMS guys arrived, he was all like, "You know what, I'm fine, I'll be okay." He switched to a 4 train just before I got to City Hall, and just when he seemed about to recover, he felt the icy grip of death upon him, causing my train to jerk to a stop and make the standees all pile into each other.

Aside from sudden cardiac arrest, what other ailments could a person suffer in which they were well enough to get on the damn train in the first place, only to be stricken en transit. The other day there was a guy on the train who was dabbing a rotation of napkins against a large bloody wound on the side of his head (head wounds bleed a lot). If this guy could make it uptown without interrupting train service, what the hell are these other wimps complaining about?

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Health, Mass Transit | Comments Off

April 30, 2008 – 1:32 pm

Whoops upside the head

You remember that Kurt Vonnegut story, "Harrison Bergeron"? It's the overly-pointed tale of life in the not-too-distant-future when the government makes every equal, not just legally but physically. So everybody has actual devices implanted on their bodies to reign in their innate abilities so everyone is no better than the weakest link in the chain. In this case, it's the mom character, who has no devices at all. Anyway the story is like junior high-grade pedantry about how conformity is bad and how we shouldn't let our leaders legislate too much of our lives, yahyah yah.

I bring this story up because of the father character, he has a little radio embedded in his brain that sends out a piercing tone every so often, "to keep people like George from taking unfair advantage of their brains." The noise is just distracting enough to make him lose his train of thought. You see, for the past few weeks they have been demolishing the building next door to our office. There is much drilling, much hammering, some exploding. I'm supposed to be working on Important Business Work here, but the constant pounding is making it hard to think straight.

So I'm thinking of the dad in the story, how he can't remember what he's thinking out after a few minutes; that's what it's like in here. I am frustrated and antsy, but have no idea what to do about it. The simplest tasks are hard to bring to fruition, and I find myself looking forward to the lunch hour, if only to have a reason to get outside the building for a few minutes.

Yet I also feel oddly elated. Outside of the annoyance of the noise, nothing phases me too much. I can't remember the things that are supposed to be worrying me for more than a minute at a time, so consequently I don't feel burdened by them. I am dimly aware that this is an artificial state and that once away from the sound of the piledrivers all my daily worries will come home to roost (most likely as I try to fall asleep). But for the moment I take comfort in the fact that all this noise is dumbing me down enough to feel rather happy.

I think I might get another credit card!

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Funny to Me, Job, Office | Comments Off

April 24, 2008 – 11:15 am

Ready with a handshake and an open palm

Damn. I knew they'd catch up with us sooner or later. For years, New York State has tried to get us to pony up nonexistent sales tax for stuff we buy online. There's a line in the tax return that asks you to estimate the total amount of "unpaid" sales tax for anything and everything you've bought out of state that you have in your possession here. From the first year they put this in the tax form, I momentarily fretted over it, before chuckling and ignoring it, which I've done every year since. Chuckling to oneself is good for you!

So now comes the news that the State has passed a law forcing online retailers to charge sales tax on every NY-based purchase, even if they don't have a physical presence here. This totally defeats the purpose of buying stuff online, except for the fact that stuff gets delivered right to your house/office. The whole driving factor behind mail-order has always been getting the best possible price. At a certain price break, it's usually worth it to buy online, even if you pay for shipping.

Anyway, the Times says that only 2 of the most popular retailers have not already registered in New York to charge this "use tax" (WTF?) One is Amazon.com, as we all know they don't have any brick and mortar stores here. Duh. Although some of their Marketplace sellers probably do. Whatever, I guess it's back to the used book store for me.

More disturbing for me is the news that the only other unregistered retailer in the Top 10 is Newegg.com. This is a fine electronics vendor from which I have purchased pretty much every computer-related tool in the past few years. Part of their appeal is that they have very good customer reviews/ratings of every product. Also their prices were routinely the lowest around. Best of all, they're based in Jersey, so I would get stuff in like a day.

Now everything will suck. Buying from Amazon or Newegg will be like buying stuff in a regular store, but with shipping costs on top. Yay. Something about this whole thing strikes me as unjust. Why should New York state get to benefit from these sales? I don't know much about interstate commerce, but I'm not fully confident in New York's sovereignty in this arena. They can't even get the damn subways to run right fer chrissakes!

Oh well, I just hope the Calypso Discount Store down the street from me has a good price on USB flash drives.

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Bad Stuff, Politics, Taxes, The City, The State | Comments Off

April 16, 2008 – 10:18 am

Why is this night different from all other nights?

The J train has turned out to be one of the better lines in the city, but don't tell anybody. I'd rather that stay our little secret. Let the people go on fulling up petition after petition to improve the G train in the hopes that the MTA will ever give a hoot. The fewer people riding the J train, the better. Trains run so on-time they often arrive a minute early, and when was the last time anybody talked about a train running on its intended schedule? The J cleaves close to its official schedules, at least around rush hour when I take it most often. Trains can be crowded in the mornings but it's rarely as packed as the poor 4/5 trains. Part of the reason we moved to Bushwick is from learning what a good train the J is. But recently the J train has besmirched its reputation.

Take the above screen as an example. This has been happening a lot lately: track work means the trains skip stations in one or both directions. It's just a few stations but it's especially cruel this weekend as we will be having people over. It's hard to enough to lure people unfamiliar with our neighborhood to get on the J train in the first place. We live a block and a half from the station and people get lost; how will we pitch this service advisory, which basically means people will have to go down to Broadway Junction and get on a Manhattan-bound J for two stops to get to our house?

It would almost be better if there were NO trains running, as they'd have to run shuttle buses then, which would more or less stop at every station (though they do this a block away on Bushwick Ave for some reason). I'm hoping that they end up dropping the whole thing and run things normally, they've totally done this before. But you won't know until you get to the Myrtle Ave station.

Perhaps this is the MTA's way of stemming the flood of gentrification of the area: just when the post-collegiate crowd was really taking an interest to the neighborhood, they start messing with the trains so that if people don't get off the trains before Myrtle, they end up in East New York! God forbid.

I guess I could also say there was some kind of antisemitic thing going on since it's Passover this weekend, but then I scheduled a party on this same night, so I (as a fallen Red Sea Pedestrian) don't have much room to complain. And yet, I suspect I'll continue to find a way.