Got the Jimmy Legs

April 10, 2008 – 12:55 pm

The animals I've trapped have all become my pets

UPDATE: So I come home last night in anticipation of taking in these 3 cats only to find Baliff's room empty and a big hole in the window screen. I had opened the window to diffuse the scent of cat spray and the damn cat poked a hole in the screen and bolted! What an ingrate. I put the trap back out but he didn't go for it. As soon as I find him, I'm a neuter him myself!

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I took a break from the TNR work for a while, but in the last couple of weeks a new batch revealed itself unto us, and we were again moved to strike. Also we met some like-minded individuals who live a couple blocks away, and have been providing them with hardware and advice, leading to the incarceration of 3 cats. Meanwhile we captured 3 of our own, although this group differs from the usuals. While one seems to be a real feral, the other two appear to be tame housecat types, though somewhat worse for the wear being on the streets.

The latter are Baliff and Bishop, two black cats who look like brothers and may be related to the little black female I caught a little while ago (they all seemed to show up around the same time). In a fit of optimism I brought in these guys and stored them in adjoining rooms of the house. They immediately sprayed all over the place, rendering the house a vile and inhospitable place. Thanks, guys!

But it's all in a day's work, I thought. Then I remembered, I've got a big damn cage in the back yard that could have held at least one of them. Oh well, I have a gallon of Nature's Miracle, whose motto is, I believe, "60% of the time, it works ALL the time." Lucky for me, my allergies have been acting up so I can't smell anything anyway. But it's making the other cats act funny. And speaking of the other cats, here's who's left to adopt out:

As you may know, we've taken Merc inside since he's proven himself to be friendly. We've been calling him "Truffle" mostly because we just watched 2 entire seasons of Top Chef and apparently adding truffle oil to anything makes it better. And so it goes with this guy, he's a hoot. He'll be ready for adoption any day now, just hoping to get him a little less skittish. And get him to stop chewing on my fingers (???)

And then there's Annabelle, the sad-eyed Decatur clone. She has really come out of her shell, but she has yet to make that real transition into lapcatdom. I think she has it in her, she chases me down to get petted, she's just very flinchy. Hmm, "Flinchy," that's a good cat name!

Finally, Marbles seems to enjoy pounding on the other cats. She will sit at the bottom of the stairs and bop them each on the head as they run down. I bought a clicker at Petco and per the Salon article about The Cat Whisperer, I've been giving her treats and clicking when she does something good, which already has had an amazing effect. She's been docile and limiting her quarreling with the other cats! It's probably too soon to tell, but this training crap might actually work!

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Adoption, Cat Fixin', Cats, Feral | Comments Off

April 9, 2008 – 10:39 am

We got games at high speeds

I'm hard-pressed to think of anything to write about that's not cat-related, it's really the only interesting aspect of my life these days. I could tell you that the reason I've been so distracted of late is due to the Amazingly Important Web Strategy piece I'm supposed to be working on for my job. I have been tasked with coming up with the Vision and Mission of a thoroughly new site, which will no doubt change forever the face of our industry. Oh yes.

Of course, like everything we do around here, we'll start off strong, with everybody excited about whatever new concepts get brought up. But slowly, enthusiasm will die, and the field will empty once they realize that somebody will have to maintain and work on it over time. Everybody wants a piece of it but nobody wants to work for it. My business is the corporate equivalent of the guy who stealthily goes to the bathroom when the dinner check comes to be split up. Dick move, pal.

Anyway I just completed a brilliant outline (!!! haven't made one of these since like high school), and I'm now translating it to PowerPoint, or The Place Where Creativity Goes to Die. We call these files 'decks' for some reason. What does that mean? It's not a backyard patio platform and it's certainly not deck in the way British douchebags say it. Is it a deck of cards? No, but I assume that's the closest definition, considering the application's insistence of calling the individual screens "slides," as though any PowerPoint presentation could be as fascinating as your family's vacation to the Grand Canyon. I wish they would use terminology from filmstrip technology; each new frame could be preceded by a loud beep!

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Job, Tedium | Comments Off

March 28, 2008 – 8:31 am

You know we'll have a good time then

Last night we had a guy come over to look at adopting Valentine. He has a Siamese cat and wanted her to have a pal. Valentine is part Siamese so it seemed like it could be a good match. She put on a good show, being cuddly and playful and all that crap people like cats for, but the longer he observed her, the less he was sure she would work out. That's when his attention shifted … to Baby Bones.

There may have been a touch of black market feel to the encounter: he asked about the cat and I basically said, "Nah, he's just for show, this one's not for sale" which no doubt piqued his interest. In reality, we never thought anyone would want to adopt Baby Bones.

One of 3 kittens born to Gladys that we took in way back in September, Baby Bones was named for his resemblance to another roly-poly cat of legend. His brothers were all adopted out, and we kept waiting for him to come around, to get used to humans and become a regular house cat. All his brothers had more or less made this transition and moved on; Baby Bones still ran under the chair when you tried to pet him.

Days stretched into months as we tried many methods to get him to like people. We tried toys, treats, exciting cardboard boxes. He loved them all, but rarely let us touch him. But he loved the other cats. He was so into cats that he became our ambassador for new arrivals.

Whenever a new cat was introduced into the household, he would be first in line to meet them, hoping to find a new playmate or at least somebody to sleep on. We think he really helped speed the process of socialization for several of the cats, who had been used to cats on the outside but not humans as much. His presence took the edge off while they got used to the idea. Unlike him though, they all eventually 'got it,' and now enjoy a good human or two. He was the feline equivalent of one of those companion animals they get to keep race horses calm.

So by March, Baby Bones (whom we tried to rename "Dreidel" or "Dray'dell" but it didn't really stick) seemed a lost cause. We still tried to get him to sweeten up, but nothing much worked. We assumed we'd have to keep him forever, and that was okay. The other cats liked him and he put up with a lot of abuse from them. It didn't even cross our minds anybody would want him.

Then this guy shows up and realizes that what he most wants a cat for is not himself, but his own cat. His cat used to have cat roommates who moved out and was now very lonely for feline attention. Getting Baby Bones would be like giving a cat its own cat as a pet. So we grabbed him and put him in the carrier and off he went.

And to think, we were thinking of dumping him at Jeannie's sister's place to fight it out with her crabby calico. At one point we seriously considered adopting him out to the guys at the Silent Barn, the semi-legal show warehouse on the other side of the neighborhood. There were dark moments when one of us was heard to utter "Let's just put him out back with the feral cats," but I'm sure that was in frustration after hours of trying to get him to understand that petting is a good thing.

We are totally floored that the guy would want to take him after all we've been through. But he knows his way around a cat. He got Lucy to fetch a toy mouse without even trying (this is after we said she was probably autistic because she seems unaware of her surroundings). So if anybody can make him come around, it'll be him. Good luck, Baby Bones!

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Adoption, Cats | Comments Off

March 19, 2008 – 11:06 am

Goodbye, horses

Maybe it's the rain bringing me down, but I am done with this lame weather. I was watching an episode of Law & Order last night and there was a shot in the Village in which you could see that red brick church in the background (you know the one I'm talking about) and it was obviously a mild day in the late-spring/summer. How I long for those days. I want to get up from the couch and walk outside without having to think twice about my outer vestments. I want to have the freedom of movement that comes from not having to wear a big coat all the time. Plus, apparently, it's a woman's coat.

A few weeks ago when the J train was skipping our stop due to track work, our car was assailed by Ralphie, some homeless nut who was asking for money. When he didn't get much response he started yelling at everybody on his way to the next car, "God sees through you!!" We got off at Broadway Junction to wait for a shuttle bus home, and he emerged from the station, all nerves and crazy-eyes.

Now, on the plus side, he did say "Hey beautiful" to Jeannie, but there ended his good judgment. He then looked at me and cried out, "Why you wearin' a woman's coat?!"

My winter jacket is a parka purchased from Uncle Sam's Army-Navy store (coincidentally right around the corner from the aforementioned church). Unlike your standard coat, it's full-length, cuz my legs get cold, dammit. I've always felt it was squarely nondenominational but I certainly don't think it looks feminine.

Ralphie ranted on, "That's a woman's coat. Why are you wearing that, man?" Finally he huffed, "It's embarrassing!" and turned away in disgust.

There you have it, I have embarrassed a man not above scrounging on the subway for money. Will spring never come?

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Funny to Me, Mass Transit | Comments Off

March 18, 2008 – 2:09 pm

I can see you

Now in my 35th year, my body has started gaining new ailments and allergies. For many years I never had much trouble with illness, but by stuffing the house full of cats, plus the general dustiness of your average Brooklyn rowhouse, I keep getting new and irritating symptoms.

The newest is itchy eyes. It has also been suggested that the many, many hours I spent leaning over computer monitors may also be contributing, but I prefer to think it's a specific allergic reaction to Valentine the stray cat. She's what is known as a tortie-point Siamese, really weird looking, but very affectionate. I noticed when she sits in my lap for a while my eyes start itching something fierce.

I apparently haven't bought eye drops in some four years (at least that was the expiration date on the only bottle I had at home). So I went to buy some more potent tinctures at the nearby CVS. Have you ever seen the eye drops shelf at the drugstore? It's insane, there must be 40 types of eye drops. You got your basic saline solutions, your 'dry eyes,' 'red eyes,' 'allergy eyes'. What's what? I checked the active ingredients, seeing that there is an agent that specifically reduces redness (in fact, you can buy "Maximum Strength Redness Reduction" if you don't want your boss to know you're totally a pothead). But I don't particularly care if my eyes are red; I just need to stop scratching my eyes out.

So I got two different kinds, one with a variety of ocular lubricants, and one that's specifically for allergies. I know it's working because my eyes don't itch anymore: they're in searing pain instead!

Once the horrible burning sensation subsided, my eyes feel like they took benadryl. They feel heavy and their reaction time is slow. Plus they keep wanting to take a nap. Or is it just another fascinating day in the office?

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Office | Comments Off