Got the Jimmy Legs

December 10, 2007 – 12:08 pm

The house is an ancient tomb: be warned

So much stuff is going on, and all I want to do i lie around on the couch. No such luck, however, as the Holidays are upon us.

I gotta remember to take a picture of our Xmas lights, it's so lame. Rite Aid has a sale on lights so I bought a couple strings and put them around the perimeter of the windows on the ground floor. They're white lights too so they don't even look all that festive; it looks like a dressing room mirror. Oh well, I'm a Jew, your traditions are 'strange' and 'frightening' to me.

Great upheaval includes the departure of our tenants. Yep, they moved up to Greenpoint yesterday, piano and all! Incredibly, we were able to sleep through most of the actual move, except when one of the movers loudly bet another that he'd pay him a hundred bucks to ride Buzz's bike down the stairs. Without going into it too much, they decided to move due to some safety issues, for which I totally don't fault them. We knew going into it that Bushwick is not exactly the safest place on earth, and I always felt a little bad that we sort of dragged them here in the first place. Still, they got a darned cheap rent for a duplex apartment! But money isn't everything and now they're in a neighborhood that's not only one of the safest in town, but is full of those amenities that everybody normally aspires to: grocery stores, restaurants, book/record stores, and an Irish pub right across the street. Damn, I could use one of those!

That's what sucks about home ownership; we're stuck here. Eventually this might turn into an advantage, say, if the neighborhood gets all fancy around us and we make a killing in real estate. Of course, the way things are going, this doesn't look too likely in the foreseeable future (for instance, all eyes were on the local corner property that was about to open, as a litmus test of the area; it opened as a wig store.) But I still like the house and, barring any personal violence I might endure, I'm okay with the neighborhood. But what are we gonna do with this house?

For the time being we are going to see if we can afford the whole joint without rental income. This comes mostly because the house, as it is set up, is unworkable for a rental to any but those we can wholeheartedly trust (and of course, my motto is: Trust No One). It's a legal 2-family, but there's no actual division between the units. To divide the house properly would take quite an undertaking at this point, and honestly wasn't something I was planning to do for a while. But if push comes to shove we'll have to jumpstart the renovations. Assuming we win the lottery, no problem!

Having the house to ourselves at this point has another big advantage: we have people coming for Christmas. Jeannie's mom and nephew are coming up for the Holidays, so they will be camping out on separate floors, on their respective futons (futons currently make up 50% of our furniture now, classy!) We certainly won't feel crowded. Now the problem is, what do we do with a 13 year old kid?

The nephew looks like he's in his 20's, he's 6 feet tall and otherwise precocious, so he's pretty flexible. But the law is not. So we can't just blithely take him to shows and bars as we would do with, say, Jeannie's mom. We're trying to figure out what a kid from St. Thomas would want to do in the city, but we're coming up short. Worse still, Todd P, purveyor of all ages shows, just announced he's cutting back on his bookings, meaning shows we could get a kid into will be in short supply. Argh.

I dunno, if I was a kid raised in the Caribbean, NYC in the winter sounds like Siberia. Hell, now that I've visited the Caribbean, NYC feels like a gulag to me too. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I just don't wanna have to leave the house. Aside from the requisite tours, museums, restaurants, what do kids do here? Should we give him some spray paint or what?

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Holidays, House, Real Estate, Relatives, Renovation, Renting, The City, Vacation, Weather | Comments Off

December 3, 2007 – 2:40 pm

Got me first when she learned to howl

Flossie, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

We've had Flossie inside since the middle of October. Soon after she was in, we noticed she seemed to put a lot of weight on, in two prominent bulges on either side of her stomach. Yay, more kittens! But lately we had begun to question that diagnosis. Flossie kept wandering around the house, howling louder and louder, later and later. The howl is particularly distinctive in both its volume and its creepy, primal resonance. We tried to convince ourselves this was just some weird pregnant cat behavior, like a woman craving pickles and ice cream. Then she starting spraying vertical surfaces. Such weird pregnant cat antics!

Finally, the truth could no longer be denied when Jefe started humping on Flossie. Well, he tried to hump her. He's fixed but when he's around a female in heat, he does his best to oblige. The resulting scene is like a cross between a nature film and watching someone backseat drive: Jefe tries to figure out what to do while Flossie scolds him for not getting the job done. We didn't stop them; we were actually hoping to get a little peace and quiet! No dice.

Lucky for us, the good ol' Mobile Spay Clinic would be pulling up to Saratoga Park on Monday morning. Lucky for Flossie, too, as I was ready to strangle her after her 6-hour howling session last night.

A hint to those considering availing themselves of the Mobile Spay Clinic's services: bad weather = no line! I went over at 7:15 and was the first person in line. Only about 5 other cats showed up; consequently, I had Flossie dropped off by 8AM, and she was back home by 11! Now that's efficient! They also cut her nails and vaccinated her. This whole operation is far superior to what I went through with Baby Bones last week (two trips to the vet, tons of money blown, same result). Flossie's recuperating and I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep for once.

For those keeping score, we have had 3 cats fixed by Mobile Spay, 2 fixed at the retail vet, for a grand total of 5 cats fixed (and 9 cats adopted out)!

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Cat Fixin', Cats, Mobile Spay Clinic | Comments Off

November 30, 2007 – 12:33 pm

Two can be as bad as one

Tableau, originally uploaded by Jimmy Legs.

the last 3 posts have been non-cat-related, I figure I'm due for some catblogging! We are down to a total of 7 cats within the household, down from a grand total of 12. And 4 of them are residents anyway, so we really only have 3 more cats to adopt out!

Chester went home last night, he was a total angel pretty much the whole time. He's moving in with another Russian Blue, maybe it'll be like the Ugly Duckling in reverse, he'll be all like "What's this? There are other cats as beautiful as am I? Heavens to betsy!"

As for the remaining kittens, we have leads for both Tumbleweed and Baby Bones (the latter of whom is currently getting neutered). Baby Bones has been here so long he finally hit puberty and has been running around humping all the other cats, which they disturbingly don't seem to mind (even the boys). If this all goes through, it will leave Monkey, who is probably just fine with that.

Monkey is the only female of this batch, and has never really gotten over her skittishness. She lets us pet her and doesn't even freak out when we pick her up, but she hasn't yet 'asked' to be petted; she can take us or leave us. things are complicated by the fact that we have her mom (Flossie) in as well. She can sort of depend on her for all her mothering needs, reducing us to food-bringers and string-shakers.

But if Baby Bones can find a home, there's hope for us all! He's still got issues too, but he's finally come to the conclusion that people might be okay. He's running a full month behind his brothers on that tip, but who's keeping track? I am, that's who.

Of course, all this cat stuff ignores the other side of the fence, the outdoor cats (which, if you add all indoor and outdoors cats currently under our tutelage it's more like … 12). Since I put out my upgraded cat shelters, they have been occupied not by the cats I built them for, but two cats new to the patio. One is Grumpus, who looks mean but actually seems very nice. The other box contains a young gray and white cat of indeterminate sex. I have another cat condo on the way, I'm hoping regular visitor Baxter will take advantage, or (God Forbid!) Freddie, the Outdoor Cat We Kidnapped From Clinton Hill.

I don't know where she spend her nights but she comes for food every day and is way more affectionate now than she was as an indoor cat. I had hoped she would use the cat-house but apparently she's too good for that. We still theorize she breaks into the abandoned church rectory behind our house, which I must admit beats the hell out of a storage tub lined with Styrofoam.

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Cats, Feral, kittens, Strays, The Yard | Comments Off

November 26, 2007 – 12:09 pm

Piece of cake

I cooked a lot for Thanksgiving. I sort of wish I had just heated up some tater tots and left it at that. I think of all that time I spent putting stuff together when I could have been lounging on the couch or sleeping just a little bit later. Jen and Michael had the right idea to go out for the holiday!

Of course, I say this now on Monday morning, when those previously-endless hours of paid time off seemed to stretch on forever, and I simply can't believe I spent all that time cooking when I could have been lazily dangling a string over the cat's head while I watched Judge Mathis.

The thing I like about cooking is also sort of its downfall to me: You can spend days cooking stuff, trying your darnedest to make something good, but either way it's all pretty much over with in a matter of minutes. Food is served, you eat it, and suddenly it's no longer an issue of cuisine, but an issue of who's gonna wash all these damn dishes? Evanescence, thy name is dinner.

Still, I must say that I got a chance to work on some recipes more complex than I usually can attempt during the week. In place of Tofurky (which Jeannine has deemed "the most disgusting thing ever"; I plan on attempting a vegan haggis next year!) I made pot-pies filled with vegetables and seitan. They came out really well, though, truth be told, a little pot-pie goes a long way. I didn't have ramekins or whatever and wasn't about to purchase any in case this turned out to be a one-time recipe. But all the shops on Broadway were selling foil pans of varying sizes, so I picked up a few smallish round tins. They were probably 8 inches across and probably about 2x the size they should have been. Considering that other elements of the meal included something we call "stuffing," the watchword should have leaned towards light fare. Instead we foolishly tried to consume the aforementioned stuffing with potatoes, bread with roasted garlic, the aforementioned pot pies, a couple of dessert pies, not to mention all the stuff our housemates made. Conclusion: pot pies, good; lack of portion-control, bad.

The upside of course has been the perpetuation of leftovers, which will follow us well into this week. Of course my tolerance for potatoes is waning, but I'm coping. Additional revelations of the cooking ordeal include making seitan. I never thought about making it before, but it's super easy (like kneading dough but easier and harder to screw up). As a meat replacer it's generally better than tofu, although I don't know if I would risk the seitan "turkey" described in this recipe.

The above link however did provide some good vegan dessert pie recipes. I made the pumpkin and pecan pies, both of which were quite passable. The pumpkin pie in particular could probably pass muster with a little tweaking. Unlike most vegan recipes, this one didn't call for tofu, which I think is what made it good. Really it doesn't have much in it besides pumpkin and some cornstarch; I feel that too often tofu gets thrown into these recipes when it's not really needed. Tofu is an amazing product, but I sure would like to use less of it.

The pecan pie was also tolerable, but I think I can do it better now that I've done it once. I should point out that none of this stuff can qualify as really vegan since I used ready-made crusts from the store, which has whey in it for some reason. I find it difficult to practice moral absolutism when it comes to stuff that requires a rolling pin.

Most of the other recipes I used were from my new cookbook, Veganomicon. The authors of the book are from Brooklyn, so there is a nice narrative bent that NYC residents will enjoy. I'm only a few recipes into it so far, but it's very handy to have a cookbook of basic stuff that I don't have to transpose into vegetarian terms (like I must in my oft-thumbed copy of Joy of Cooking). I still need to find a vegan cookbook for really lazy people who really want to just lie on the couch and dangle string for the cats.

P.S. I really wanted to try Abby's Crispy Kale recipe, so I picked up a couple bunches and started feeding them into the oven. However, a slight miscalculation: I got mustard greens by mistake! The result, while edible, wasn't quite ready for prime time, so we've got it stashed in the kitchen. I feel like such a dork for not getting the right stuff, I can only blame myself and the fact that the market had their bushels of greens out on the sidewalk, and it was already dark by the time I got there. I know what kale looks like! I'm sure I do! I do like mustard greens but they don't really require the extra effort of kale, which is probably why they came out looking like somebody beat rent money out of them.

By Jimmy Legs | Posted in Cooking, Holidays, Vegan | Comments Off

November 20, 2007 – 12:36 pm

Love's a hand-me-down brew

Somehow in all my years living in this city, I don't think I've ever gotten coffee served to me in one of those "We are happy to serve you," Greek-Styley paper coffee cups. I am of course familiar with them, as an icon of New York City, and have been known to buy coffee on the go from time to time. But somehow I never happen upon a vendor who uses the famous design.

I read up on the cup, it was designed by a Leslie Buck in 1963, who named it "The Anthora." This was an apparent misspelling of the Greek word, "Amphora," which refers to a vessel meant for carrying wine or oil (note such vessel on the cup, nice!). Though a Czech immigrant himself, Buck's inspiration for the design was in the fact that most diners in those days were owned and operated by folks of Greek descent. A research topic for another day: Why did so many Greeks open diners in America and where did they all go?

Anyway, cool cup; I never get one. Until the other day! Or so I thought. On my way to work, I stopped off at a coffee cart, mostly because the coffee in my office sucks and I was hankering for something at least diner-quality. The guy handed me my coffee, I saw a flash of navy blue and beige lettering and got excited. Finally! I got one!

Not so much:
Now, there have been several variations on the original theme, but this is pretty lame. It's just sad, isn't it? Not only is the design a pale pretender to the original, with its pitiful grouped squares, 'sketch-style' coffee cups, and mirthless sans-serif font, but these guys aren't even happy to serve me, merely "pleased." And frankly, I don't think I even buy that.